Speckles n Spectrum

back to basics seemingly-banal adventures of an eclectic modern muser...

"Learning from the Past, Hopes for the Future, and a Life's Journey of making the most of what's at hand."


I share the same sentiments with you dear, Enough!
(see Frowning Flower Girl  rules Internet)
So how's your day that finally this is over? Probably not yet since there are postmortem buzz still about this Windsor Knot. I must say I'm a bit neutral... wait... that's at first then it turned into annoyance for I felt this had been overly sensationalized months before the actual event. 

Well, I admit I'm never a fan. But I'm a curious cat and I especially wanting to see the cakes more than the dress. Oh well, sorry I'm more of a foodie in this case since I know that the dress will probably be boring. I'm basing from Princess D's and for the fact that they can't wear gowns that will show their arms in Westminster Abbey and I'm not a big fan of wedding dresses.  

Are those what it looks like seems popping out?
It turns out that it was fine. Classy, simple, elegant but there's one thing that bothers me about the dress. Take a look at this pic --->>> 

Maybe I'm being a little conservative but hey aren't they? No sleeveless gown and no kissing inside the church but these --->>>

Uhm, maybe it's padding but still they should have double check it so it's not that vivid even if it's not what it seems to be, right? Enough of that I think I'm being senseless here. 

Why did I actually waste my time with this? Because it's the hype, probably but I've other reasons too. I've tons of questions and I want answers so here I am. And I think all the socialites in the world are social climbing to actually be invited into this event. Uhm, not really worth it, I don't know but I'm neither socialite nor wanting the invites. Watching them going crazy over the live feed in the net is more of my thing for I can comment and make fun (?) of silly stuff (?) Ha ha.

It's not a secret that this is the most famed existing monarchy and like any other I'm much curious of some stuff they do, yes just SOME traditions and all that.

Here's my list of differences from our tradition here:

1. Exchange Vows - we usually do it at the end of the ceremony but them it took place at the start. Maybe to make sure no one changes their minds until the end perhaps? He he

2. There's no "Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace" line coming from the priest. For sure if this was asked a lot will raise their hands, crazy little girls dreaming for prince charming peeps, eh?

3. No wedding godparents or Primary Sponsors and also no Secondary Sponsors. (see Philippine Wedding Entourage for the complete list)

4. The groom and bride are not seated in the middle of the altar. They look like just another guests sitting along with the nuns in a little corner. I'm curious what's the purpose of the 2 nuns sharing the same space with them?

5. The rings aren't from the ring bearer. There's no ring bearer I guess. There's just flower girls and little boys in little uniforms. Perhaps the rings are too expensive to let a little boy carry those, eh?

Did Lady Gaga design Princess Beatrice’s hat
6. Everybody's like wearing hats. We're not even allowed here to do that inside the church. This is the weirdest of all >>>

Would you believe there are 14 Facebook pages that pop up dedicated to  this royal wedding hat of Princess Beatrice... tsk.tsk. (see Cthulhu hat a bold choice for royal wedding)

7. There are no images of saints or Jesus in their church. They are Anglicans and they obviously don't do the sign of cross either. Don't ask me about the religion please.

8. This wedding is actually pretty simple if you're not going to count the hefty price tags of everyone's clothing.  But compare to our tradition here that spends thousands for decorating the church, Westminster Abbey is elegant but simple enough. There are no adornments like tons of ribbons and bouquets of flowers on the aisle just the red carpet.

9. No arms baring.

10. Yes, we all know NO "you may kiss the bride."  They said it's just a Hollywood thing and not British royalty's.

After the boring wedding. Yes I found it boring so do Josh Groban well, maybe or else he wouldn't felt sleepy , right? 

The real reason why I was watching is to get a glimpse of the food, yeah especially the cakes and all I got are text... aargh! (see The Lunchtime Reception)

Good thing I fell asleep writing this entry and now when I woke up pictures are all over the net of the wedding cakes... yey, that's all I'm after for all this hype. (will be posting the pics and recipes on my food entries maybe next week)

Some people are actually smirking on the Duke of Cambridge for choosing a not so fancy groom's cake for his wedding. (see Chocolate McVities Biscuit Cake)

I've learned a few more things about a tradition. I don't know if it exist too in some other countries this is the first time I've heard of this. 
Many brides include something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue in their wedding getups. (see Kate's very fancy something old, new, borrowed and blue)

If it were here in my country probably there will be people striking against the wedding after all they are spending people's tax money in this expensive wedding while England's is not past yet recession aftermath. Millions had been spent for the security alone and it must be really hard now seeing the royals choosing a cheap champagne to serve over an important personal event. Even royal blooded princesses need to be on a budget. Nice to know we're not alone on that side.  

And for this embedded live streaming video of the Royal Wedding at the bottom of my entry... hmmm, I'd like to see it here just for a little keepsake... ha ha and best wishes to the newly wed. Hope it last, make the expenses be worth it. Royalty or not it is the love that binds the marriage that is most important. 

Watch live streaming video from royalwedding at livestream.com

When Blu, a domesticated macaw from small-town Minnesota, meets the fiercely independent Jewel, he takes off on an adventure to Rio de Janeiro with this bird of his dreams.

Director: Carlos Saldanha

Stars: Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway 
and George Lopez
Language: English
Release Date: 7 April 2011 (Philippines)
Also Known As: Rio the Movie


 1 out of every 8 Americans is afraid of flying. Most of them don't have feathers.


 Animation | Adventure | Comedy | Family | Musical

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated PG for mild off color humor.

Source: IMDb
I just watch this movie 3 days ago while I was too sleepy but surprisingly I've finished watching the movie and it kept me entertained until the end.

Though I think the movie is rather short. It won't last for 2 hours. It's fun, did I already mention entertaining? Hell, yeah. This is a movie for the whole family so you can bring all your kids along to enjoy the fun with colorful Rio de Janeiro as the story's backdrop and floats, bold costumes for the parade set-up you'll never get bored.

Well, you can say that I am a softy I got teary-eyed twice, once when Blu was left on the ground while Jewel and her friends were all rejoicing up in the air for finally breaking free. And the other one is for you to find out I don't really like to be a spoiler so it's up to you to watch the movie and see if it has also the power to touch your heart.

Here's a little sneak peek:

This is my favorite quote from the movie:

Blu: You see, who needs flying?
Jewel: Birds! Birds need flying. Flying is... err... freedom, and, and not having to rely on anyone. Don't you want that? 
Blu: Hmm, I don't know. Sounds a little lonely. 

Hmmm, makes sense and now I'm thinking...

I rate this as 3 out of 5 stars. It was entertaining but the storyline seemed to be old. A bird that doesn't know how to fly then learned in the end after his great adventure. The story's setting which is in Rio is what makes this a little different from the rest and funny lines. The ending too was like a bit rush and I felt the movie could been better if only there's more volume added in the storyline like a little more twist and more conflicts. But it was a happy ending after all so still fun to watch.

With all my topics piling up I kinda decided I need to get organize and be systematic from now on so that I can fill-out all the categories of my blog evenly. Since I reformatted my blog's design I have categories that are empty as of the moment so I hope this new approach will work in filling-in the gaps.

So for my food section I'll start posting my very own recipes or my improvised/budget-friendly version  every first Sunday of each month. I figured it will be just timely since May is the Philippines' fiesta month therefore my first recipe post will fall on a Sunday of May 1.  I'm also thinking of a food feature every Sunday of a week. Good luck about this.

Monday will be a random week. I think something under personal categories. I don't know maybe it's weird but as of the moment after a food post I'd like to kick-off and start my week with a little about me just to check if I'm still alive... eh? Ha ha.

Tuesday would be my artsy day. Expect poetry, sketches (uhm, I have few problems with this now), photography or maybe feature artists works. Let's see about these.

Wednesday will be anything about fashion. Every 3rd Wednesday of the month I'll share something about my personal look. I can't have this a weekly post since it's difficult to find things for plus-size people and I don't really get out and dress-up much now.

Thursday is music day. I'll feature something relevant today or the latest songs and every 2nd Thursday of the week I'll highlight from my favorite music playlist.

Friday is supposed to be gimmick night but I know some are actually choosing to stay home to relax and take a break from the busy weekdays of work and I feel more into watching a movie so I'll have a movie review every Friday of the week. I actually have tons of new movies waiting for me to watch them stuck in my hard drive... tsk.tsk. This way I'll be able to encourage myself to watch them one by one now since I have to stick with this sched.

Saturday is free-spirit day. Anything goes so to speak whatever that comes out of my mind.


So here's my blog programming done mainly for me... hehe Yeah, to personally challenge and inform me on what to blog and to keep on blogging. But this doesn't mean I have to blog only once a day maybe more so we'll see.

Days of the Week
Post Categories
1st Sunday: original/reinvented recipe
3rd Monday: 101 Truths About Me
2nd Tues: Featured Artist
4th Tues: My Photography (attempts)
3rd Wed: Personal Look as a Plus-size
2nd Thurs: Favorite Music
1st Friday: My Favorite Movies
Anything goes
4th Saturday: Something Funny or Trivial

Yup and this is effective starting today. Whoa, I have a tough boss...  Who? ME!

What a lovely present for easter though late for a day ☺

About 10:00 am Monday of April 25, a day after Easter my mom got this fellow in our bathroom. 

We didn't know how since we have screens and there's no way to get in the house but it did get in. And I thought maybe this is a gift straight from heaven for since we were kids we always wanted a pet and Papa had bought us twice little colorful birdie but our neighbors' cat had eaten them both the first night we had them. Thus we never had any birds after that but I was still wishing I can have one even today but well, not really too eager. It's like when it will come then it will come and that Monday was that day for me to have that wish granted. Thank God for that.

And we got this fellow a cute cage... uhm rather unique don't you think birdie? Well it is accompanied by a nice view too. I just hope this fellow thinks that too.

It seemed that she can't still fly so we put her in that Yes, it is an electric fan (the only thing we can came up close to a cage for her at the moment). Don't worry we no longer use that fan so she's safe there. 

I don't know, strange as it may seem but this bird had showed just right on time to accompany me with my sadness. Yes, I'd been down for the past few days thus my last post about it. But that night we can no longer find her. It was really weird for how can she be able to get out of a close electric fan and the rice grains that we feed her were all spilled on the fan's stand and the container was facing down.

But we had a proof that she'd been in that electric fan for a while.
During Tuesday morning I was awaken by a flutter of wings that seemed to belong to like something as big as a rooster and when I checked I saw her flying around the living room. When she saw me getting my camera she suddenly rest and I was amazed that it seemed she was posing for the camera. All day she was just hopping everywhere and she's not even scared of me for she walked on my feet and hopped near my things. It was like she's entertaining me for she knew I am so sad.

I was hesitating to name her for I'm scared to cling to her that early. Naming is a sign of taking responsibility and ownership and I don't feel like I am ready for that and that I have a right to do that. But late in the afternoon I found her lying on the floor.

I know this one looks scary even scary in real than photos.
So I turned her around to see if she's really already dead...

Thank God she's still alive.

I got really scared and I knew from that moment that I've learned to love the bird for that short period of time. So I decided to claim her my own and called her MYSTIK and I don't know but I think she's a girl.

Why Mystik?
For obvious reasons because she is a mystery herself and having her with me during my saddest moment was an enigma and the experience were all mystical in its own way. The last letter "K" was my choice for two reasons: 1 -- it's my name's first letter and 2 -- because I think it was a mistake that she had been with me and I'm sorry for the poor bird to have to get stuck with me.

The next morning my mom said she found her lying dead in our kitchen. I didn't really checked I don't know but the thought of it and even the picture that I've captured thinking she was dead already scares me even now. I don't know why she's gone that soon. 

Strange that the feed container is properly erected again but no one had moved it.
I ask my mom why so fast? She said because the bird is sad. I said I am too yet I'm still here. Can't I just go with her? Then she'd call me weirdo.

Goodbye Mystik, so long friend. You're indeed mystical. Sometimes I can't really fathom what is it with God? He'll send you a gift without warning and then He'll get it too without warning. Maybe I'm really never meant to have a pet after all but well, thanks for the experience though always quite short.

So if you were to choose would you rather experience something knowing that you won't have it forever or just forget about having it to escape hurting?

I'm actually having a downtime right now, it started last night. I don't know I thought I am tougher now and prepared for stuff like this but I was all so wrong. I'm still too weak dealing with emotional blackmail and it bothers me a lot especially coming from someone very important.

"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." ~ Anne Frank ~

(photo credit)
101 Truths About Me: #5 The word "HATE" is a very special word for me for when I say it in a serious manner I truly meant it but it is a darn give away that beyond the word is the very opposite.

Well, you see I guard my heart (maybe it's wrong to be that secure but with my experience I really need to do it or else I'll end up broken or worse in an asylum). I really don't mind the broken part as I am accustomed to that but the latter is what I fear the most. Kindness, sympathy and empathy are my worst traits. Nice to have but fatal to emotional stability. Consider it a gift and curse at the same time, it brings you joy the way it hurts you much.

People may say I'm too kind because I don't have enemies. Yes I don't unless there's someone out there that secretly hates me but as far as I am concern I have no time for making enemies and dealing with them. I have maybe too many acquaintances, civil relationships as they say but only very few intimate friends. And these people that made up my little cult are the ones subjected to that "HATE" word along with my family.

At the moment I actually have 3 people in my list that I "HATE" on and off for this year, ok make that 4, I'm including myself. So yeah, I guess I love myself too, maybe a little too much since I'm hating myself for almost half of the time...hehe. But one thing I learned in my Moral Philosophy class is to "hate the did but never hate the doer." (um, I'm quoting myself duh) But I would like to make exceptions for in my case I hate myself as much as I hate my mistakes.

So it is a given fact for me that if I don't hate something it means it doesn't really exist in my realm of intimate relationship. That's why you wouldn't really hear me talk shit about other people for I really don't care to stay up all night bothered by unimportant selfish, lying, abusive, opportunistic, assholes. Life is too short and precious to be spent in negativity but I like to dwell in muddy pits sometimes, just sometimes, rarely, once in a blue moon I must say but still my rant today isn't about just some parasite gay that social climb for a night for free booze and night of fun and lend some thousand bucks to afford a whore and obviously never pay it back. "FACT you" (See I'm in a bad mood today but I'm still tactful, the word I think still delivers the same impact as the 4-letter F word  but I dare not say in this blog.)

No, I don't hate that gay. He isn't a friend after all and I never considered him to be one and maybe that's how he felt too towards me. But I abhors him not his kind, I have nothing against gays or homos but I really don't like some stuff they like to do but well, it's their life. If they want to get dirty then get dirty but please don't spread your muds on our trails.

Enough of unimportant things let's get on to what I hate. Yes, "Emotional Blackmail." My mother knows my weakness, she is my mother after all not really surprising and I hate her for using this weak points to make sense to me in an argument. She often say "uto-uto ka kaya" (you are gullible) whenever she learned that I am doing something for someone for free. That's another thing I hate about her, she seems to consider all things that I am doing a waste of time, worthwhile for her is something that has a price tag on it. Blogging? What can you get from it? She'll ask. Volunteering? Can it put food on our table? etc. etc.

I know we are not rich but I am thankful for her for letting me live now like a hell of a pensioner. Yes I am admitting it. I deleted the word "independent" in my self-description since I came back home. I am still independent in almost all aspect except "financially" and my mother will add "physically" but I don't agree for that part because even though I'm too lazy for household chores I know I can do it on my own. I've done that in the metro and I am more of the perfectionist for that. I wanted my hair messy-looking YES, but everything else I want it all squeaky clean but now I am saying I don't really mean I am going to do the cleaning. But it doesn't mean that someone needs to do that for me. If I can no longer stand the mess I'll clean it up and that's how my mother does it too but she's just super sensitive on little things that if she want these things to be done, she wanted it in a snap of her fingers. And I hate that snap of the fingers part, it applies whenever, wherever even if that means you have to get out of the toilet while you're in the middle of #2 or you're slumbering in the most weirdest time of the day. Yes, yes, I said I'm going to do it but can you at least wait for a sec, it's not like the world will end if I didn't wash my dishes in a span of 30 minutes.

I am older now I know what to do even if she actually thinks that I don't and treat me like a 7-year old. That stinks. She always say "you don't have a purpose in life." Well, newsflash I do and it's all written in my journals since I was a fourth grader but I know she doesn't really take it as something worthwhile because it doesn't jive with her laid out purpose in her life's plan.

But if you could only learn to wait for just a little more time my worthwhile things will be climbing your definition of worthwhile things in terms of your hefty price tag. But I know it won't change your mind about forcing me into doing the things on your plan but sorry I'm never going back to your manual programming. This is my life, make or break I am sailing as a captain of my ship. Well you can be the adviser but please get off your hand in my steering wheel.

I had enough I was pulled into depression living her dreams and I would like to stop blaming people for my misfortunes because obviously I am the sole responsible for my life so I've learned the hard way never to let other people on the driver's seat and wheeled your life for in the end they will only tell you "it is your life after all when everything's turn out badly they'll point out that it was all your fault." But when it turns out the other way of course all the praises leads to the greatness of the one-in-charge and they'll claim it to be their brilliant plans. I don't really care for all that public glory, let's just leave that to our trapo and celebs that wanted to establish philanthropic acts in front of cameras. I prefer doing good things when no one is looking.

Now, I am sorry call me a prodigal daughter, a problem-maker, a disobedient child but I am claiming my life and I have my own paths laid out for me please just keep your beaten track in your closet. I don't want to use it, I prefer to create my own. I am not saying that your plans aren't worthwhile but it's just that I am not you but I wouldn't mind taking some advice and constructive criticism. You might always say we look alike and I don't mind that REALLY but I am not your extended self, I am your daughter but I am not your puppet so I wish for you to cut those strings and let me pull my trigger.

I don't argue with the cliche' "mother's know best" but sorry in terms of living my life I know better now after all as I've said it is my life and your kind of happiness, isn't necessarily my kind of happiness. The same way we don't agree with the meaning of worthwhile. And believe me not pushing into my throats your kind of life will save us both from messing each others day. That's a good start for me, to actually straighten up my life and keep you from ruining it...

P.S. Having a million bucks in my bank account but doing what I don't like for the sake of society's recognition and honor is not my definition of success. But if the things that I love to do would bring food to the table, now we're talking and for somehow it will amount to a million bucks, who are you kidding, of course I want that million bucks, who doesn't right?

"William Shakespeare takes credit for being the only playwright to have no less than five of his plays simultaneously appearing on Broadway."
(The actual number was four.)
— Comment in article about Broadway in The New York Times

(photo credit)

William Shakespeare was the son of John Shakespeare, a successful glover and alderman originally from Snitterfield, and Mary Arden, the daughter of an affluent landowning farmer. He was born in Stratford-upon-Avon and baptised there on 26 April 1564. His actual birthdate remains unknown, but is traditionally observed on 23 April, St George's Day. This date, which can be traced back to an 18th-century scholar's mistake, has proved appealing to biographers, since Shakespeare died 23 April 1616. He was the third child of eight and the eldest surviving son. (see full article here)

This is actually the first time I've taken the time to read about Shakespeare's life after I see someone tweet about his natal day which leads me to this website. I'm not much of a fan and I was amazed of so many people, bloggers in particular are actually mesmerized by him and that includes a little girl, yes, maybe about 10yo quoting one of his works, memorized by heart.

I don't know but even though I like literature and writing in general Shakespeare bores me and his work is "Greek to me". I'm not fond of old English (I used to and have tried to learn and understand it but now I just don't want my life to be that complicated) and theatrical plays so long I can't just finish reading them and it makes me sleepy. I like Romeo and Juliet but only because of the movies then I got tired of the tragic story. See? Told you I'm not really the intellectual type.

But I know he's also one of the people who inspires me to write and I got here a few of my favorite Shakespearean quotes to ponder upon and I don't really know why I'd say happy birthday to Shakespeare, people don't even know the actual date of his birth ??? But fine I already did on twitter and fb so calm down you guys and yeah it's on the title of this post... toinks!

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.

All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.

Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

Fishes live in the sea, as men do a-land; the great ones eat up the little ones.

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

If music be the food of love, play on.

There are still a lot more but it will take me forever so if you're craving about some Shakespearean quotes you can check everything Shakespeare here or for complete list of quotes and direct links from its main sources or works go here.

And I found this one strange and funny thing about him:

Incidentally, he left his wife his "second-best bed" in his will, which has had historians scratching their heads for centuries. (see full article here)

I know this isn't really funny but it's cute ☺

In this adorable video, "Cookie" the penguin gets tickled at the Cincinnati Zoo. Cookie is a Little Penguin (the smallest species of penguin), and is reportedly the mascot of the Zoo Bird House.
Read more here.

my signature look

It's Black Saturday and I have nothing to do so I decided to play mix and match my style at polyvore.  (inspired by Maxabella)I chose the things that most resemble the existing stuff in my closet. I am eclectic so I find it difficult to actually choose from a lot of styles that I like but this one comes up as a favorite. Since I am also a plus size this set of clothing will be fine with me.

I'm always wearing flip-flops but Havaianas and Crocs aren't for me, my feet slips on them and breaks them so now I settle for something sturdy Manjaru, almost half the price and perfect for my sweaty (eew) feet. I prefer wedges but for this look I know pumps look better but I only wear them for special occasions and the last time I just realized I think I can't wear them anymore my feet's front were hurting because of my weight...aarrgh.

Uniqueness is a must for choosing my accessories but I only wear them on special occasions on a daily basis I only wear a bracelet that looks like that hinged bangle. It isn't really an accessory since it is a Quantum bracelet but it could pass like one.

For the large bag, you can only see me with a bag when I'll be on a trip or I have my laptop with me so I prefer it big. I need something that can accommodate  all my stuff, mostly gadgets.

I am more into monochromatic, classic cuts and pieces and I love vintage stuff and I'm into boho and rocker chic looks too but simplicity and ease are my priorities in choosing stuff but style attract me first then I choose clothes or my fashion stuff with these guide questions in mind:

1. Does it fits me? Meaning, is it flattering my figure or won't make me look extra heavy because I don't need that I am already on that part of my weight so anything that's adding visual weight is a NO, NO.
2. Is it comfortable? Can I sit on it? Can I move freely and won't look like robotic?
3. Is it fashion forward? Can it still be wearable after a few years? It is a bonus for me if it is unique but I try to look for classic pieces something that won't go out of fashion even for years.
4. Wash and wear. I am lazy so obviously as much as possible I want clothes that aren't much of a hassle so something that doesn't need ironing or pressing.
5. Value. Is it affordable? I don't go for cheap. I want my stuff to last so quality is very important for me. I want something with quality but definitely affordable.

So how is your fashion sense? What's your style? And how do you actually choose your stuff?

(photo credit)
I've known the story and become a believer ever since but my faith was put to a test.
I realized I am a weakling; a Judas at large and a Peter in disguise. The moment I’ve met my trials and failed it I pointed fingers on you. Accusing you of abandoning me like how the owner of the footprints had indicted to you. Like them I had walked with you and promised to join you in your journey come rain or shine but what have I done? In a sudden twist of fate I flicker like a wave to the safest shore at sight. Guess what? Yes, I was safe but not save. I have kissed you goodbye in the loudest crow of the rooster in my life and it blew me out.
History repeats itself… yes and no. I’ve learned my lessons, besides I know for a fact that the prints had faded away to kiss the heavens now.

It's Holy Week and I don't know but "Banal na Aso, Santong Kabayo" is always the first song that comes to mind. From what's happening nowadays it seems this is the perfect theme song for Lenten Season.

It seems Lenten Season had been very different. People were all like treating it as a "vacacion grande", well, it is sort of but with all the hype about those fancy vacations they seem to forget the real essence and meaning of the occasion. This is supposed to be a week of reflection, of penitence, and of changing our ways but it seems it had turn out to be a great drinking spree.

Old traditions are still here. Good? Sure but not until you hear what's beyond the stories now of events. The church seemed to start turning our religion into a big money-making business. Just take a look with the Easter Angels. According to older generation Easter Angels were chosen because of their health. The more sickly the kid, the more they're picked to be part of that event because they said it cures them. It was like they are offering their kids to HIM and in turn HE blessed them with good health.

Now? If you don't have much money don't expect your child to be an Easter Angel. It seems it had become a privilege for the wealthy. 

Pasyon. Passion of the Christ used to be a solemn prayer that are sung it is still is but people actually ask money from Government Officials for sponsorship. And in some areas it seem they're just making it an excuse for permission to conduct gambling events along with the reading... tsk.tsk.

What about those who let themselves crucified literally? Used to do it out of pure faith. Now? Purely fake. It seems some are doing it for the money. Foreign media had been paying these people for a scoop. (I've watched an exposé of this somewhere on TV, can't remember the exact channel but it was a full-length documentary about this issue.) 

"Season of Seasonal Faith" according to one of my friends' fb status. Truly it is. Because after this week those who have been crucified in the cross, done bloody penitence, the ones who went "Visita Iglesia," most of them (I am not saying all) they're going back to their normal life. Some will attend Sunday mass regularly but just like in the song after the mass they will go on with their old self. Cursing people, hurting others, lying, stealing and all the bad things that you can think of. 

I don't go to church now but I attend "Healing Mass" on TV. I don't consider myself religious now but I am very much spiritual. I still consider myself Catholic but not really hardcore. See I am supposed to give up internet for a week according to the Church's Lenten guide but I won't. I reflect everyday through my blog, this is my way of doing my faith. I pray and talk to HIM every moment I can and I don't think I really need to tell everyone about that. I am not like "Willie Revillame" I don't believe that I need to tell anyone whether I am a good person because for sure they'll know that on their own. 

"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you're not."

---Margaret Thatcher.

I would like to use that quote changing powerful to being good or being holy or whatever that is. You don't declare it, you just accept it and go on with your life. It really doesn't matter whether people know or not it is what's in your heart and soul and my faith I believe is between me and my GOD. 

And one reason too. I don't want to be a parasite with HIM and I am very much sorry that at the moment I am to my mother. Forgive me for that. I treat HIM like my best friend. I tell all and never leave anything behind, HE knows the unedited version of my life through my prayers and it's not because I know I can't hide anything from HIM anyways but because I wanted to and I trust HIM.

But I am still praying that one day my eagerness in attending mass in church will return soon. It has been my habit not to attend mass when I am disturb. It's like showing up to your best friend's house and all you can say while talking to her is "Okay" and then "pardon?" for your mind is wandering somewhere else, isn't insulting? It's never my habit to show up when all I can bring to the table are problems. They say Loneliness loves company but not me. I isolate myself when I only spell trouble for it make me more guilty drowning others into my pit, it's just isn't fair.

I believe that to be able to achieve true happiness, 10% will be prayer and 90% is all up to me. I'm working on it. I don't know but I feel ashamed to go to church and ask for material things, I think I'm the one who should take care of it and do the work not HIM. When it materializes I know and I've promised I'll definitely show up in HIS doorstep to celebrate with HIM and to thank HIM for all the guidance. But for now please EXCUSE me I have a life to live and I'm just ain't up for pretenses. I won't do it half-heartedly and never inside of a holy place. I'm maybe blogging during your "Walk of Faith" or maybe sleeping while you are all up early for the Easter Mass. So yes I am not HOLY during your HOLY week but my faith ain't SEASONAL either.

natuto ako saiyong lumaban
nasanay akong maging matatag sa buhay
makiramdam sa bulong ng hangin
magtampisaw sa buhos ng ulan
(photo credit)
naalala mo pa?
nakilasa ako sa pait ng iyong inumin
nakilanghap sa usok ng iyong paghinga
nakiiyak sa istorya ng nobela
nakitawa sa kababawan ng kalokohan
nakisigaw sa poot na pilit nililimot
nakihanap sa misteryong bumabalot
naalala mo pa ba?
sabay tayong tumikim at sumuka
sabay sumakit ang baga sa ubong di makaya
sabay natuyuan ng luha sa mga problema
sabay nagmanhid ang mga panga sa katatawa
sabay namaos sa pagmumura
sabay naupos sa paniniwala
bakit hindi mo ngayon masabi
sa akin ang katotohanan
ang katotohanang pilit mong itinatago
sa likod ng iyong katauhan
takot ka na rin ba?
noon sabi mo
wala akong dapat ikatakot
bakit ngayon
bumaliktad ang mundo ng ikot
isa na rin ba ako
sa mga taong iba sayo
sa tingin mo’y manghuhusga,
mandudura at magsasawa sa labo ng utak mo
magbabago ng dahil lang sa pagkakamali mo
bibitaw dahil lang iba ang paniniwala mo
nalampasan na natin ito
kailangan bang ulit-ulitin ko
iba ako sa mga taong nakilala mo
simple, wala mang kuwenta pero totoo
sasabayan ka anuman ang mundo mo
magmukha man akong ‘tadong gago
ano kaibigan ko
kumusta na ang buhay mo
totoo ba ang ngiti sa labi mo
bakit iba ang sinasabi ng mata mo?

I just joked about wishing for my quick death in my last post (Be Careful What You Wish...) and at the strike of midnight signaling the next day someone had what I'm wishing for what to be like my death and that someone is a bit popular, young and promising. Obviously everyone felt it was too early and what with all the talent and future endeavors and stardom waiting for this kid went all wasted just like that in a snap.

But who are we to question who's above all of us. We don't know all HIS mighty plans laid out for each one of us. But I won't be coy that I felt blaming HIM when the same had happened to two of my family members. Yes, TWO and the first loss was the hardest to accept. It was the only time I got angry to HIM. I felt betrayed for I've been serving HIM for all I can remember in my little way since I was a kid and I thought we're friends. I only have two best friends at that time. One He denied me of spending my life for the rest of my life and the other one who made it possible. So it means I lost both two just like that in a snap.

Then came second death in the family it came along with a two-week notice, 3 hospitals and boom! She was 21 years old, just graduated a year before this ending and had been working in her second government company. Everything was fine until one night she went home with blood gushing from her nose and then from her gums and we all went panicky and rush to emergency and the rest was history just like that in a snap.

And I'm still here. Honestly I've been wishing for that NO joke, I am ready for that. People might think I am morbid but I am not. I don't have much interest talking about DEATH. But when people will ask me about it I wouldn't further discuss but you'll get an answer "YES, I am always ready for it, whenever, wherever regardless of what I am doing (hmmm, on second thoughts PLEASE not when I'm in the bathroom☺), happy or sad even if it would mean right NOW. Sure I don't think I really have to finish this blog post, YES I am ready just like that in a snap.

Morbidity aside (but I am not morbid, right?) maybe the reason of all this is because I wanted a shortcut, everyone seems to be heading that way anyways so why not be there first while I'm still sane and sound. And I confess I'm a bit selfish when it comes to this. I don't want to be left out. I'm tired of crying after everyone who's leaving. By wishing to be first I am kind for I know I'm causing more harm than good with people I am with and leaving them will set them free from burden and I know they'll feel more blessed than grieve without me and I like that, I mean I don't want anyone to cry for me. I wanted everything easy and I hate drama. (I'm serious.) Well, I am not saying I am not happy with my life now, sure it isn't perfect but it isn't that worst either but I am just too settled on going to the next direction that's why I'm kinda hurrying it up. I'm wondering why it seems this wish is too hard for HIM to grant, what's with that huh? I actually had a wishlist for that big day written when I was in high school. (Darn, this had been long overdue. Ha ha)

People may say because you still have work to do in this lifetime. I believe that so but nevertheless I wanted to be up there. To be honest (Haven't I been honest for all the entries in this blog, that I have to consistently use the word HONEST for emphasis?) I live life one day at a time. I don't have long term goals now (I know eyebrows will raise) but I am practical as well. (I don't know how you will handle too much contradictories in my life but yes it is possible.) I've incorporated Buddhist core teachings in my life thus I've learned to live without drowning in wants and desires. But I do have a wishlist, a mixture of material things and immaterial things that I can count using just my hands fingers. All of those are all up to me but this SNAP thing I don't think I can decide for that. I've tried twice but without HIS blessings I only commit sins and ruin myself becoming more unworthy to be in HIS place so I will just leave all of that to HIM but I still wish just like that in a snap.

 I would rather live my life believing there is a God and die to find out there isn't than live my life believing there isn't a God and die to find out there is. 
- Unknown

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