Speckles n Spectrum

101 Truths About Me: #8 I'm a hopeless romantic.

It may never show but I am a hopeless romantic ever since. I enjoy sappy movies, crappy love songs sometimes but never much in the open or out loud.

All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name. --- Andre Breton

I don't know but my outer shell screams punk and rock but my inner core is a soft marshmallow swelling up for petty romantic stuff.

Maybe it's because I never really had a real boyfriend in a sense that all my bfs are net bfs. I also always joke about love stuff being eww but deep inside I've been longing for Mr. Right, for that one soulmate who will lend his ears and heart even for a while to comfort me and eases my hollow soul.

This is the only time I'll ever admit it there are times when I glance around and see couples and I felt envious and kept wondering for my other half too, my special someone. Maybe I've been way to good of a pretender, pretending I didn't need anybody, pretending I'm tough enough to survive all these mess alone in my lifetime. But today I'm brave enough to face reality. I'm just a girl wanting to be loved, waiting to be loved. I am still a feminist, boyish and all that but I have that side and it's claiming its rightful place in my soul, my mind, and my body. On top of my lungs I wanted to scream and let that little girl inside me out, that little girl who always wanted to be pampered. That little girl who's always been a princess but never wanted to be a damsel in distress.

Life is such a mystery sometimes a misery and sometimes a magical fantasy-reality. One day I'll hope to meet my prince not riding a mighty chariot but just merely smiling at the sight of my pretty face wanting to love me without the expectations of a masterpiece, wanting to share his life with me without pretenses, wanting to breath the same air with me, share the laughter and the tears of living, the joy of love and the grace of God.

Someday, for now I'll just let it be praying that destiny, fate, faith, love and all that will do magic to fulfill my very own fairytale.

A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.  --- Thomas Carlyle

I have become my own version of an optimist... Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. -Joan Rivers

#wheneverimbored i pumped up some music, eat some food, surf the web and blog some more =)

#wheneverimbored i talk to random people and disturb them haha

#WheneverImBored I hop on Twitter with the rest of the bored people

Original Photo/template created by Ray Creations and tweaked by yours-truly to my liking =)

101 Truths About Me: #6 I love to cook.

I consider myself as an occasional cook because there's a part of me that's a wannabe chef... hehe

Hmmm... let me just copy+paste here what I wrote in my fb album with the same title:

Occasional Cook (wannabe SHIyfT!) 

I heart making ordinary days extra special in simple ways :) This is where I post my culinary mess. Occasional cook because I only cook when there's an occasion and when I feel like there is an occasion even during ordinary days and the rest don't ask me to do the cooking I'm simply incapable :)

As a child I've always been interested in cooking. I've learned to cook through my father whom I call Papa. Like me he was an occasional cook, meaning we cook only when there's a special occasion. (Sorry I got weird vocabulary and I have my own made-up dictionary... ha ha)

My father was a lavish party thrower and he loved food so much. I grew up exposed in his cooking. You can't make him cook when there's no happening or event but he likes to celebrate every occasion in our life be it a birthday, anniversary, winning a contest, getting awards or perfect a test, recognition day, and of course fiesta and holidays and yeah, I just have to add winning cockfights and mahjong.

He loved entertaining people and when you say feast, it meant feast. The most extravagant party I can remember was his birthday (I'm not really sure about the exact age maybe somewhere around 42) but he had turbo broiled the same number of native chickens with his age that time plus a whole Lechon and other main dishes which were all his favorites. And I never had a problem with those list of his fave food because everything is simply delicious but Mama isn't feeling the same way about it for they're all not on the cheap side and it's all bad for his health.

Main dish cooking background came from Papa and baking and desserts knowledge came from Mama. We sell the most expensive Ice Candy in our town when I was still in grade school. Avocado flavored, 1 piece is 5 pesos, regular Ice candy price that time would be 1 or 2 pesos but we do that only during summer. That's our way to consume our avocado supply coming from our vacant lot.

But still I am not a professional chef nor a cook. I cook when I want to and I'm never an expert. I'm actually hesitating in telling people that I've studied and have a certification in a 1-month 5-days a week Culinary Arts class in an organization rooted from Germany for its founder is Father Adolph Kolping hence the name  Kolping Society Philippines, Inc. because I don't want them to expect too much on my cooking.

It was a commercial cooking class and the menu were Filipino food and the main objective is how to commercialize it. I've learned from it a lot. It made the food cheaper in cost through quantity but not cheap when it comes to taste for it retains almost the same taste as the original recipes.

But I'm not into cooking Filipino food (not that I don't like it) but most of them are actually too tedious to make and so better if I just buy it since it's pretty available anywhere here. That's easier to do - just buy it, cheaper and even tastier than my cooking most probably... less hassle. Though I can cook some if ever I want to but only some of my fave like adobo.

My cooking mantra is affordability, quality and time-saving. So I prefer to cook meals that are easy to prepare and less hassle and now I just added healthier. I'm starting to get serious being vegan but not that hardcore. I'm just willing to give up meat for now. So expect vegan recipes from me from now on. I'm actually formulating my own recipe. Well I have to because I don't have much resources so I only cook things that are present in our fridge. I am combining the same ingredients over and over creating different one each time to satisfy my fickle taste-buds without spending a fortune.

I'm actually having a downtime right now, it started last night. I don't know I thought I am tougher now and prepared for stuff like this but I was all so wrong. I'm still too weak dealing with emotional blackmail and it bothers me a lot especially coming from someone very important.

"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." ~ Anne Frank ~ (photo credit)

101 Truths About Me: #5 The word "HATE" is a very special word for me for when I say it in a serious manner I truly meant it but it is a darn give away that beyond the word is the very opposite.

Well, you see I guard my heart (maybe it's wrong to be that secure but with my experience I really need to do it or else I'll end up broken or worse in an asylum). I really don't mind the broken part as I am accustomed to that but the latter is what I fear the most. Kindness, sympathy and empathy are my worst traits. Nice to have but fatal to emotional stability. Consider it a gift and curse at the same time, it brings you joy the way it hurts you much.

People may say I'm too kind because I don't have enemies. Yes I don't unless there's someone out there that secretly hates me but as far as I am concern I have no time for making enemies and dealing with them. I have maybe too many acquaintances, civil relationships as they say but only very few intimate friends. And these people that made up my little cult are the ones subjected to that "HATE" word along with my family.

At the moment I actually have 3 people in my list that I "HATE" on and off for this year, ok make that 4, I'm including myself. So yeah, I guess I love myself too, maybe a little too much since I'm hating myself for almost half of the time...hehe. But one thing I learned in my Moral Philosophy class is to "hate the did but never hate the doer." (um, I'm quoting myself duh) But I would like to make exceptions for in my case I hate myself as much as I hate my mistakes.

So it is a given fact for me that if I don't hate something it means it doesn't really exist in my realm of intimate relationship. That's why you wouldn't really hear me talk shit about other people for I really don't care to stay up all night bothered by unimportant selfish, lying, abusive, opportunistic, assholes. Life is too short and precious to be spent in negativity but I like to dwell in muddy pits sometimes, just sometimes, rarely, once in a blue moon I must say but still my rant today isn't about just some parasite gay that social climb for a night for free booze and night of fun and lend some thousand bucks to afford a whore and obviously never pay it back. "FACT you" (See I'm in a bad mood today but I'm still tactful, the word I think still delivers the same impact as the 4-letter F word  but I dare not say in this blog.)

No, I don't hate that gay. He isn't a friend after all and I never considered him to be one and maybe that's how he felt too towards me. But I abhors him not his kind, I have nothing against gays or homos but I really don't like some stuff they like to do but well, it's their life. If they want to get dirty then get dirty but please don't spread your muds on our trails.

Enough of unimportant things let's get on to what I hate. Yes, "Emotional Blackmail." My mother knows my weakness, she is my mother after all not really surprising and I hate her for using this weak points to make sense to me in an argument. She often say "uto-uto ka kaya" (you are gullible) whenever she learned that I am doing something for someone for free. That's another thing I hate about her, she seems to consider all things that I am doing a waste of time, worthwhile for her is something that has a price tag on it. Blogging? What can you get from it? She'll ask. Volunteering? Can it put food on our table? etc. etc.

I know we are not rich but I am thankful for her for letting me live now like a hell of a pensioner. Yes I am admitting it. I deleted the word "independent" in my self-description since I came back home. I am still independent in almost all aspect except "financially" and my mother will add "physically" but I don't agree for that part because even though I'm too lazy for household chores I know I can do it on my own. I've done that in the metro and I am more of the perfectionist for that. I wanted my hair messy-looking YES, but everything else I want it all squeaky clean but now I am saying I don't really mean I am going to do the cleaning. But it doesn't mean that someone needs to do that for me. If I can no longer stand the mess I'll clean it up and that's how my mother does it too but she's just super sensitive on little things that if she want these things to be done, she wanted it in a snap of her fingers. And I hate that snap of the fingers part, it applies whenever, wherever even if that means you have to get out of the toilet while you're in the middle of #2 or you're slumbering in the most weirdest time of the day. Yes, yes, I said I'm going to do it but can you at least wait for a sec, it's not like the world will end if I didn't wash my dishes in a span of 30 minutes.

I am older now I know what to do even if she actually thinks that I don't and treat me like a 7-year old. That stinks. She always say "you don't have a purpose in life." Well, newsflash I do and it's all written in my journals since I was a fourth grader but I know she doesn't really take it as something worthwhile because it doesn't jive with her laid out purpose in her life's plan.

But if you could only learn to wait for just a little more time my worthwhile things will be climbing your definition of worthwhile things in terms of your hefty price tag. But I know it won't change your mind about forcing me into doing the things on your plan but sorry I'm never going back to your manual programming. This is my life, make or break I am sailing as a captain of my ship. Well you can be the adviser but please get off your hand in my steering wheel.

I had enough I was pulled into depression living her dreams and I would like to stop blaming people for my misfortunes because obviously I am the sole responsible for my life so I've learned the hard way never to let other people on the driver's seat and wheeled your life for in the end they will only tell you "it is your life after all when everything's turn out badly they'll point out that it was all your fault." But when it turns out the other way of course all the praises leads to the greatness of the one-in-charge and they'll claim it to be their brilliant plans. I don't really care for all that public glory, let's just leave that to our trapo and celebs that wanted to establish philanthropic acts in front of cameras. I prefer doing good things when no one is looking.

Now, I am sorry call me a prodigal daughter, a problem-maker, a disobedient child but I am claiming my life and I have my own paths laid out for me please just keep your beaten track in your closet. I don't want to use it, I prefer to create my own. I am not saying that your plans aren't worthwhile but it's just that I am not you but I wouldn't mind taking some advice and constructive criticism. You might always say we look alike and I don't mind that REALLY but I am not your extended self, I am your daughter but I am not your puppet so I wish for you to cut those strings and let me pull my trigger.

I don't argue with the cliche' "mother's know best" but sorry in terms of living my life I know better now after all as I've said it is my life and your kind of happiness, isn't necessarily my kind of happiness. The same way we don't agree with the meaning of worthwhile. And believe me not pushing into my throats your kind of life will save us both from messing each others day. That's a good start for me, to actually straighten up my life and keep you from ruining it...

P.S. Having a million bucks in my bank account but doing what I don't like for the sake of society's recognition and honor is not my definition of success. But if the things that I love to do would bring food to the table, now we're talking and for somehow it will amount to a million bucks, who are you kidding, of course I want that million bucks, who doesn't right?

I was addicted to Nail Art

I was almost like my mom and it got to a point where I felt naked without putting some make-up on and my nails seem so dull without polish. Going to a salon became a therapy like how shopping is.

Back to the province and I went back to my old self but at least a little better since I try to take good care of my skin now but to its minimal. The old routine is back with an additional Nivea Body Intensive Milk Lotion only if my skin is too dry so rarely and make-up (sometimes) when I need to leave the house but only these stuff:

I'm actually using only 3 of these things now: eyebrow liner, eyeliner and lipstick. I used to love mascara but it's such a hassle and too messy and the lip gloss I just realized it's too sticky.

Still don't like to comb my hair and I want it messy looking so after getting tired of a rebonded boring too sleek hair I purposely ruined it by using too much shampoo and well I got what I'd wanted and worst it was too damaged that the hair ends curled up like it was dreads and CUT Encarnacion had actually told me to find other parlors because they can't fix it. Bad salon, they should be closed now such morons. Thess Image Maker only took 2 hours to fix my hair and so now I have to combed it diligently so it wont hate me again, I guess.

And for mani-pedi I go to a salon when I have ingrown if not I use the nail cutters and foot brush... that's it. Though I still want nail art for special occasions where I need to dress up.

101 Truths About Me: #3 My being single is a choice.

I grew up wanting to be a priest so I served in our church as a lector and spent most of my days learning to be one but when I was 10 years old I realized it is impossible for priesthood is for males but I can be a nun instead said the priest but I told him I didn't want to be a nun because I don't have much knowledge of what they do and I wanted to conduct masses and give sermons and nuns don't do that.

When I was in high school my favorite teacher in Values Education had resigned on teaching to become a nun and I finally decided that I wanted to be one too but I just kept it inside and I had lived a normal high school life. A rebel teachers may say and a pain-in-the-ass student. I didn't attend classes regularly and usually I just show up to take examinations but I've managed to pass along with everybody in the class so no worries. I was as normal as can be while keeping a secret on a calling that I had. No one would believe me if ever I told them so better just keep it and enjoy being a teen.

Our family had a rule that no one is allowed to be in a relationship while we are still studying so I followed it because of fear and respect for them. My sisters however had broken that rule but it went fine and they've been allowed when my mom discovered it but my late grandma had always been opposed to that but they can't do anything since my sisters are that stubborn. In my case, I was thinking had I known it would be fine to break that rule would have I go for it? Maybe but I don't think so. I was more interested in a lot of things rather than having a boyfriend and I do think they are just distractions for the the things I love to do. I do have crushes and I had fallen in love those time but boys are just a past time, something my friends like to talk when there's nothing left to talk about or something just to make a day a little out of ordinary. Men had never been the center of my life except my dad.

I was a feminist and I am still but I'm never a man-hater in fact I used to be one of the boys and most of the time in high school I love hanging out with them that's why I knew how boys really are both the good and bad things about them as I also grew up very close to three male cousins.

During my 2nd year in college there are congregations of nuns who visited our school and I had pick one because of a pretty habit, in turns out to be Dominicans. With that reasoning I set aside that calling for I know it isn't much real since I don't have much purpose of joining them but after my younger sister died and during her 2nd day of wake I had filled out an application letter to Paulines and when my mom and aunt had been informed by a nun who accompanied me and visit my sister in the chapel they did not approve of it. They sent me to Manila instead hoping I'll change my mind when I am there.

From then on I had been in different places because of different jobs but even with a busy life when I reflect I still wanted to be in that congregation but after my depression I had been the laziest of people and now I realized I can't be in there. I won't pass the novice stage where you have to wash tons of dishes, scrape the floor and other dirty jobs included. I am not domesticated and I am as stubborn as hell. I love to question anything and everything and no one can make me just follow everything even the bible passage I scrutinize it. I still can't get the answer why my godmother in my baptism had went out the congregation and enter a different religion after. And other controversies inside the church are disturbing me so now I am done and settled that I don't want to be a part of that.

So yes,

In life, there are three (3) callings or vocations:

1. religious calling

2. single blessedness

3. married life


#1 is down but I am still in #2. Along with the decision of being a nun in high school, it goes with single blessedness as a back-up or a fall down. And this is actually the strongest of all calling in my being. Even though I had been socially active and loves to mingle with friends I had always been a loner too. I enjoy a lot of alone time as much as I enjoy being with people and the idea of marriage is actually threatening that personal space I always want to keep.


I am a workaholic too or whenever I am into something that makes me happy I actually forget everything especially having a love life and yes it is the last thing in my mind. I don't really care of what people might think or say about me being single up to this day because I am enjoying my life. 


My family is actually pushing me to find someone and get married but I am more interested of having twins rather than getting married not that I am willing to be pregnant out of wedlock. I am catholic and it is something I wouldn't do. Not that I care of being judged by others but I worry more of what myself would think about me committing such immorality. (It's kinda sad that it seems people are accepting this now, it is still wrong even if a lot of people is doing it. Frequency and acceptance doesn't make it right. It makes me frown that I have to put up everyday with random people telling straight to my face I am fat but no one really want to stick it up how bad it is to do those other things. No one actually had come out and said "Hey, you... you're immoral." So it seems it is more unacceptable to be fat these days and people aren't too forgiving on that... don't you think so?

But just to be fair and give myself the options and chances I deserve I am opening myself to other possibilities  and being in a dating site is the least I can do about it. We never know, maybe God has something different planned for me more than what I settled for myself. But up to this very moment single blessedness, it is. That's why I refer this as "crazy thing called love" because if it's real for sure it will find a way to my reasoning and it will find its path towards me but all within His time. Either way it ends I'm fine with it.

(photo credit)

If finding love becomes the focus of a young girl’s life, she finds a house full of kids before her time. If finding love is never important, she often finds a career and seldom loves. If finding love is a thought but not an obsession, it is found and then, it is appreciated.  ~ Anonymous ~ 

101 Truths About Me: #2 I laugh easily.

My personality may come strong and complicated but my source of happiness is plain and simple. Little things can make me laugh and smile. A good sometimes corny joke will do.

Here I list the things that can brighten my day:

• Food (of course)

* lasagna, any pasta and pizza (Italian Food)
* Adobo, lechon, sisig, palabok, goto, dinuguan (Filipino Food)
* butchi and fresh or fried lumpia, tofu, siopao (Chinese Food)
* Tacos and burritos (Mexican Food)
* Ramen and shabu-shabu (Japanese Food)
* Filipino Street Food (fishballs, barbecue, kwek kwek, isaw, betamax, taho, puto)
* Mc Donald's pancake and french fries
* burgers especially Stackers
* any salad will do especially Caesar salad and fruit salad
* Shawarma
* mushroom soup or any soup with garlic bread
* cakes especially Blue-berry Cheesecake
* ice creams (double dutch, Häagen-Dazs, Dairy Queen Blizzard)
* chocolates (Ferrero Rocher, Hershey's Symphony or Kisses with almonds and Macadamia Nuts)
* some junk foods (Marty's Cracklin Vegetarian Chicharon, Doritos, Pringles, Bread Pan)
* Starbucks Java Chip Frappuccino, Mango Shake, Pineapple Juice and Zagu
* big fluffy white marshmallows toasted in a bonfire :)

• Family

Even though we clash and argue still seeing them makes me happy and thankful for having them as my family.

* seeing my mom arrived home safe and sound from her daily commute to work. 
Now I get too understand why parents always require their kids to go home and impose a curfew because they worry about them a lot and I am experiencing that now especially if my mom didn't arrive on time... such a state of paranoia.
* seeing everyone in one room all noisy and chaotic
* exploring and trying new things with them
* seeing my mom lighten up her face while asking if her nail polish color is pretty or a new blouse, shoes or bags fit her well
* seeing her happy watching teleserye, some show irritates me but I enjoy sitting with her in the living room and teasing her that she should stop watching anything on TV because it is making her upset be it a news or a stupid character in a certain soap opera.
* eating her home-cooked meal until I am full and she would proudly say her dish is too delicious that I was able to eat it all and I'll just say "It was fine but I'm just too hungry that I can eat anything disgusting at that moment." Of course she knew that no one can make me eat anything that I don't like even if I'm that hungry I would rather sleep than eat and vomit it all in the end.

There are tons of things that I can list here but my blog cannot accommodate all so I think this had given you a sort of a preview to the whole picture.

• Writing

Yes, obviously this is my solace, my bliss something that I hold on to besides my faith when everything seems out of control.

• Reading

It spells adventures and fun and nothing like that couldn't make me smile.

http://nymagirl.deviantart.com/art/Photography-love-VI-109772893

• Pictures

Another medium that takes me away.

• Music and Movies

Need I say more?

• Nature

God's gift to mankind, one of the masterpieces. A proof that we are love. Seeing the moon in its horizon is happiness already. Silence and tranquility with the wind breezing in an ocean and the waves splashing into the shore, it's noise and flapping feathers of birds... it's priceless.

• Friends

They are angels sent from heaven. A hello would do wonders.

• Babies

I always love kids and seeing one brightens my day in an instant.

Well, it's really impossible to have it all in this entry. Happiness for me is everywhere and I can say that it isn't about money for I don't have that but I am in my happiest state these days. It isn't about material things, having this or that and honestly the only luxury I can consider right now in my life would be having a laptop and a 24/7 net connection (in our present time this is already a necessity and it is true for me since my job is online) and a few trips in a restaurant once in a while.

101 Truths About Me: #1 I have skeletons in my closet.

I had been in a series of mild depression. Most people I know would actually hide this information for the fear of being judged, feared, hated and losing important people in their lives. It was actually everyone's reaction to that and I'm not spared from that idea but now after dealing and battling with it I can proudly say that I am triumphant of conquering it. And I am spilling the beans for everyone to know that it isn't the end of one's dreams or happiness, it is just the start of a better present and a fuller promising tomorrow.

This confession is also for the purpose of checking who's who and who's not of the people I know who would actually still keep me as their friend. This illness that I had is actually a blessing in disguise and every misfortunes I had I considered it just as that, trials that are meant to solidify my soul. It had helped me realized that it is actually my family that will always exist and be there in the hardest times of our lives and a few friends too. It had open me to a lot of realization and a lot of things that I should be thankful for experiencing this. It was indeed just a trial, the hardest one and I know that I actually passed with flying colors for it made my faith stronger and my family closer. It had mend problem spots and led us of being more open to each other and all my secrets had been out and they still love me despite of everything. Plus everyone learned how to truly compromise.

I actually had a few friends that are ignoring me now and I'm not sure if it is about this issue. I'd tried to talk to them but I don't get a reply and I figured if they actually want to still be friends with me they will talk to me in time with their own freewill. Well, that is if they still do but if not then okay fine with me, it was nice to be friends and to be a part of their lives once in my lifetime but if they can't accept me now just because of this stupid reason then Bye, Bye... it's good riddance. I don't really need a good-time friends (someone who just show-up during good times or if they need something from you) I want someone that is true and will stick through thick and thin. I don't really care if there would only be one left beyond the hundreds but it is better than have thousands that are all fakes. Walking Tupperwares so to describe.

I had never thought that I will actually suffer from this since I knew for a fact that I can handle my emotions well but during half of the year 2005 personal problems on top of other skeletons in my closet had been into the point that had made me lose all hopes of living my own life and getting my freedom, choosing what I really wanted to do with my life was the greatest wish I had for years since high school but all hopes for that died with someone still being in-charge for all my paths toward my future. At the 3rd quarter of that year the word depression on its worst and truest form took over my life. Before it had set-in I already asked for help from a Guidance Counselor from my alma mater for I was aware that I am actually at the brink of something more serious than being troubled and sad and disappointed on how my life had turned out which left me feeling being in a cage but no one actually took my cry for help as serious as they should be maybe it's for the fact that people knew me as someone really outgoing, jolly and very in-control of her emotions. I was still able to took the Licensure Examination For Teachers (LET) and passed it slightly above the 80% mark and almost made it to the Regional Top 10 missing just 1% from the person who had the 10th spot. And I had 2 more entrance examinations that I took and passed within the same year: Philippine National Police (PNP) and Philippine National Police Academy (PNPA) and yes, I actually wanted to be a Police Officer but my original plan was to enter Philippine Military Academy (PMA) or Maritime Academy of Asia and the Pacific (MAAP) or if that's too much for them since my grandma said Engineering is for men (so conservative) I was opting for University of the Philippines (UP) to take up BS Bio or Journalism right after high school but had never been allowed to decide for myself. So no one outside the family actually noticed it because I was functioning and doing my best to cope with it that I was still able to attend all social events where I am needed.

It had been on and off for the past few years but finally now I am over it. I had a batch mate, in fact one of my classmates in the University had the same problems with me and she had experienced the worst compare to me because from what I heard she had actually had a nervous breakdown while at work and show all weird stuff and actions while teaching and our common supervisor from a previous job where she had worked before I did told me that she is crazy and some other people with reputable jobs that she had worked with had the same information about her... it seems everyone knew it and there are too much evidence for her illness and yet when I happened to talk to her about it and how she had deal with it because it seems she's also okay now, she had actually denied all of it and I wasn't able to grasp even a lousy excuse for all the strange behaviors everyone was talking about her. So typical, so pinoy, so afraid of rejection even if I was actually telling her all the stuff that I had experienced conquering it and mind you we're actually on a long line to a movie in the biggest mall here (Well, people don't really care about it they are all busy with their own chitchats). But I was urging her to speak out her mind for I am freely doing it. I'm not saying that she should also blog about it because maybe it's not her personality and she might be a very private person but I was just asking her to admit it for maybe we can help each other out about this but changing the topic and asking more about my experience about it was all I got. Well for me talking about it only means that you are out of it, it shows how good you have coped up against it and I am pretty healed in all aspects that's why I am blogging about this.

For every problems be it a simple one, heartbroken or a serious illness you need to actually accept it for you to live your life free with all bonds that were grasping you before and if you are always in the denial stage especially for a case of depression I really don't know what to think because probably you are still in a limbo, living in an imaginary world you've built inside your brains. And if for you in yourself cannot accept that fact, imagine who else would? And it's not healthy to keep a lie as serious as this for your lifetime you might end up in an assylum for real for the rest of it and that's much trouble than simply accepting the truth and living a healthy free life.

That's why I have this 2 mottos:

1. Live and let live.
2. If you like me "Thank You,"
   If you hate me "F*** You."

Take it or leave it. I will never force anybody in any ways.

It's better to let it out now than be sorry later :) (photo credit)