Speckles n Spectrum

In this generation where we break cycles and free ourselves from orthodox mindsets. Raising kids might confuse a lot of couples just starting out a family. We got this rule: Out with the old, here comes the new. 

We procreate for a better world and what better way to start being good parents by paving your kids future beginning with a good name (literally, figuratively and metaphorically speaking).                                                      --- Stormy Krist

Ik I said on my last FB post that I will cancel all my social media accounts and I did but I still need an outlet so I'm back where I started: blogging.

Hey, Pa. If I had a baby that year s/he will be 12 years old by now and probably graduating from elementary, might have been something to celebrate right? But no we're not that kind of teens in spite of not growing up with a complete family because you have to leave before we even get to truly understand the meaning of "life."

Life has been pretty tough since. It was a rocky road and I wish it was delicious as an ice cream haha but it wasn't. So you might ask what's up? Hmmm, nothing much. I'm still that kid who learned the word stubborn when I was in Grade 2 because it was written in red ink at the back of my report card. Sweet right? Haha

I still miss those days because you were the only one who can actually laugh with me and my mistakes. I can break things and take it as if it was nothing making me feel I'm more important than that piece of glassware. (I still have that scar in one of my fingers that reminds me how you've offered to continue washing the dishes after I was wounded by a broken glass.)

I'm not saying good things about you because you're already gone. You know I'm not that kind of person. I won't lie just because you're already dead. I'm not into a game of impressing the living so why would I do things to please the departed? Silly right?

We had bad times too. In fact I clearly remember that you rarely get angry. It was a once a year event at most and I'm the lucky one who always get to celebrate it with a few strokes of real leather belt on my behind. And we know if you're pissed when we hear the keyword "sinvergüenza" followed by few bicol curses. 

We even argue once because of that shirt you're wearing in this photo. I was 10 years old and growing to be boyish and starting to lend your shirts. I argue that it has pink on it so girls can wear it too. I won and I'm pretty sure not because you bought my argument  =)

But you know all of that and perhaps everything about us since probably you're up there watching us make a damn mess in this world. So really what's up with me finally writing about this dreaded topic? It's been years and you know what I guess I am finally free. I'm even surprise because this year it feels so good to be true.

Last year I wasn't able to think about it because we were all busy with the souvenir shop/cofitti and resto. I guess that's my gift from Virgen de Peñafrancia on her tercentenary year: peace of mind. I've been busy dealing with other stuff that I skipped the melancholy brought by September in 2010. I didn't have time to sit and day dream with a misty eye while listening to that Luther Vandross' song.

Quite the same thing happened this June on your death anniversary. I got busy with stuff and the next thing I knew I slept through the whole day. Then here's your birthday you're 57 by now, old man... haha

And you know what Pa? It's amazing to still be here after years of losing you and realizing that for this year it's going to be different from the rest for I finally let go. I no longer pray the same stuff. My litanies aren't wishful thinking and my day dreams are no longer the old what ifs. Finally I'm living in the present tense. I won't lie, I still cry when I think about you and I can't promise to keep my eyes dry whenever you pop in my head but it's now tears of joy, of remembering, and reliving the memories.

I can't still see the bigger picture of His decision of claiming you too early but I'm more optimistic and open to the idea that whatever His reasons might be something for the better.

But hey, stop right there. Do you all really think I'm that super duper mega stubborn that I needed to get through all these initiations to get pass life on earth? As if I wanted to go to your so called heaven haha

Life is a freak but well, sorry life for I am freakier than you. Gotcha!

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I got this song we loved to listen to during my grade school years. Sorry I lost the cassette tape I don't know why of all tapes Matt Monro's album is missing while Vina Morales and the Cha-Cha tapes are still here, shame.

I guess this song speaks a lot about you and the things that remind me of you. These are the stuff that made up my ideals too. Thanks for everything and sorry I'm not the type to make promises for I think promises are made to be broken and I'm forgetful and fickle which makes it more difficult. But I know for sure that's fine with you because you've always been very accepting of who we are.

So long Pa, I'm just here being myself. I know that's good enough. I don't need fireworks or anything to make you appreciate the rest of me. You've been with us for only a short span but you were able to give us what some people might take more than a lifetime to accomplish. You're not the teacher yet you've given us the most wonderful lessons without being aware that you did. You don't impose or force, you gave us freewill and had always asked, "Ano ang gusto mo nene?" You made us feel what love truly is, we don't need to sacrifice anything to earn it because you've given it for free and unconditionally.

Ma said you're the sosy type, you're spoiled and your hands were too soft for a man which in layman's term "lazy." (I do get the same comments about my hands (which I think is too shallow for people to conclude laziness by just basing on the softness of your hands because I too do household chores for am closer to being poor than being a princess) but I'd like to ask: Is loving household chores the sole basis of being industrious? If it was my, why did I wasted my time going to school if everyone just wanted us to perfect dish washing and doing the laundry? Ha ha, sorry stupid thoughts again. Well, I went to school so I can find something to do that doesn't involve scrubbing the tiles all the time. Though I wouldn't mind doing it once a year haha)

Seriously, I don't care I'm not blind and I know of course that every person has their negative traits but yours simply drowned in the long list of distinctive good things:

• you're the most down to earth person I've known
• you give the last of your centavo even to strangers who knock even on the wee hours
• you're a friend to all that even little kids admire you
• you're loyal and faithful that even if girls drool you simply tease your way out
• you're the easiest to please for your joys were of simple things

 and there's quite a list but I'm going to cut it here before you yell out your magic word =)

It's been a while I just wanted to say hi to my blog that's feeling neglected at the moment by its owner. =)

I'm quite busy lately doing some stuff and I've tons of photos already that just needed some write-ups which I'm pretty lame to do at the moment. Truly blogging needs focus which I can't afford right now because my mind is cartwheeling these days.

I finally decided that I'm done with experimenting so it's time to move on and start acting like a real grown-up. The happy-go-lucky-days should have to end soon as well as the idealism and the worst of altruism. I've to be practical and touch-base with reality. We can't have everything for free and in this lifetime we need to work our ass off since not everyone is born with silver spoon in their mouth and I'm definitely not one of those lucky few. But I'm grateful to have the things most necessary and a bit of the whims.

"Let's tell the truth to people. When people ask, 'How are you?' have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know, however, that people will start avoiding you because, they, too, have knees that pain them and heads that hurt and they don't want to know about yours. But think of it this way: If people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you." — Maya Angelou (Letter to My Daughter)

The way my mind runs is peculiar to most. I guess if thoughts are spinning mine goes counter-clockwise and chaotic. I actually do stupid things because I don't want to make those when I'm old. I'm still young I know I can still afford to be stupid and irresponsible and, get away with bad choices since I'm still learning and gaining insights. I don't want to reach 60 and look back full of regrets of not being able to experience life the way young people should. I don't want to retrogress at that time for the sake of fulfilling past fixations.

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." — Mahatma Gandhi

A lot of people who's expecting more from me are already being disappointed because of my luck of ambition. Telling me if only I've stayed longer or started earlier, done this, done that I should be someone significant now, somewhere doing something socially acceptable and praise-worthy. Even new friends tell me that I can do better and I know they're right but my premise is: If everyone wanted to be on top then who would stay at the bottom to hold the ladder? Or if everyone wanted to be the President then who would sweep the floor? Hmm certainly not me but I'm pretty sure I wanted to do something else on my own. According to T. S. Eliot: "Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things." And I do I like to keep things simple. I simply just want a life where I can be free doing what I like with or without recognition. But I won't be coy and say that genuine compliments or even a shoulder pat won't make a difference.

I have fancied myself a rebel, but at every critical moment of my life, I have been exactly the child my parents raised.  ~Robert Brault

The truth of the matter is I've never really been stagnant for the last years and I won't even use being depressed as an excuse. Let's just say I've been into a secret mission of soul searching and real life experiments which is more like an immersion. The last one I call it The Zero Pride Management and along with that I know I've been the most irresponsible kid for wanting to experience first The Retirement Life before I actually jump into a real lifelong career.  It's a product of a twisted mind but I guess in my case: it had worked. But I am not saying that it is the right thing to do for I can never truly justify delaying to be useful and to be of help because of self-centered ideals in any court and it's one of the mistakes I am guilty of.

"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first." ---  Ernestine Ulmer 

All I can say is that now I know how it was like to be empty-handed, to lose pride, to be degraded at its worst, treated like an imbecile and, sitting at the lowest of either the caste system or the totem pole or whatever hierarchy this discriminating society has. (I guess I'm being emotional that I'm kinda exaggerating this. Please pardon me, it's touching a sensitive side too personal to express.)

But then I know now too how peaceful life can be without obsessing into earthly things like material wealth or titles. Suddenly, you become more humble, fulfillment comes easy while your expectations become manageable, you appreciate every little acts of kindness, you value more relationships and people who still treat you nicely despite your shortcomings, you're grateful for even the littlest things and, you start to realize that you've been blessed a lot every time you wake up into a bright new day.

Now I am ready to get back on track with the hard-earned lessons:

• No one has the right to treat anyone worst just because they thought they're far better because if they were actually they should know that, Better people don't treat anyone less than they expect to be treated themselves.  

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.  

~James D. Miles

• Money isn't everything but I have to tell my dumb brain to stop being exaggeratedly altruistic because I need some to put food on the table. 

• Problems are blessings. They are meant to exercise all facets of being.

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." 

— Mother Teresa

• It is really possible to have more when you have nothing.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

• Not everyone is alike. People have different reasons and motivations for doing things so we must always give the benefit of a doubt. Be open-minded, you may be hurt but it's not right to hate the world for few bad apples you met along the journey.

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." — Mahatma Gandhi

I know I still have a lot more things to learn I'm not even halfway there and time will never stop and wait for me while am getting ready; it was my choice then to run on my own pace that's why I know I am never left behind. (While some people are busy meddling with someone else's business and trying to race with one another; playing survivor: outwit, outplay, outlast everyone in the game I was busy competing with myself.) That's why I know I'm just right on time the way it was meant to be for everything happens for a reason according to will and for that I can never complain. All I can do is to stand up as fast as I can every time I stumble.

Everyday is a battle and the world is an arena it's just a matter of choice how you're going to fight. Will it be fair and kind, cruel as devil-may-care, or even survival of the fittest? Some play tricks, some get dirty, some act, some think, some just shrug it off, some treat it as a comedy and some a tragedy. I choose to look at things in an optimistic bird's eye-view which brings me to a conclusion that life is good in general and I can't wait to enjoy my retirement days and give back what is due to many an individual who cared for me during the toughest times and no matter what I know I will forever be grateful and in debt for the love and generosity...

Now, it's still a long way down the road so let's just get ready to rumble!

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin." — Mother Teresa

It's Wednesday and somehow I'd like to keep this as my fashion day post or at least fashion related post. I suck in fashion blogging so I'll just post anything that has lots of pictures and this will be a sort of Wordless Wednesday but with a few words or maybe tons, it depends I'm a talkative blogger... hehe.

I discovered from another bicolana's blog this Kikayism. I've known the word for a long time but I wasn't aware that there's some sort of movement, organization, affiliation or anything you might call a group that is inspired by this word. I'd like to consider myself a supporter... and maybe I am kikay too. But I doubt if I were hip or trendy, maybe or maybe not?

-ism" marks a word as one signifying a theory, or system of principles; a distinctive or characteristic trait; a practice or behavior. "kikay" is a Filipino slang word- hip, trendy, kitsch, femme.Kikayism is a celebration of today’s modern Filipina, and her desire to express herself through personal preference and style. Though she may be an admirer of art and fashion, she manages to maintain an utmost awareness of the role she plays in today’s society. She is keen on advocating nationalism, aware of the different capabilities Filipino citizens are able to harness by means of skill and talent; hence, Kikayism proudly supports locally made products! In honoring national diversity, Kikayism has made it a point to promote products made from local resources in various Philippine provinces. We hope to encourage the Filipino craftsmen and women who simply look to earn a little extra income through their creativity and hard work.  Source: Kikayism Facebook Page

So on with my fashion post and being kikay for a day at least. This was the same day we discovered BioFresh Flexgel after store hopping in Iriga we went straight malling in Naga and now I realized that window shopping gives me mix emotions. Happy that it's almost like shopping but then sad that I can't buy all the things that I like... sigh. But you need to be practical or you'll end up somewhere else scary.

Don't worry I got pictures so it's just like owning them though you can see it everyday but you can't wear them anymore.

The Eye Candies
It's too sweet you almost want to eat its yumminess haha. It won't be called eye candies for nothing, right?

I heart the colors its very trendy and therefore not something I will buy. It's cute but not really very practical. The colors are screaming. Knowing me I know  I'll get to use this very rarely since I'm more of a flip-flop or wedge gal. But for a gift, why not? hehe

The Killer Heels
This one is something you would want for a special occasion. One time big time, I won't buy you you'll probably just hurt my pocket and my feet haha. But you're cute if only I can wear you in the wet market hehe.



The Wedges
This is my kind of heels for they're tricky. They look intimidating but then very very much wearable because it's much comfortable than pumps. They're available in cute colors too.



The Parisian Plus
It's great news for people who have plus size feet. There's actually a line made just for you. They're really huge. I'm wondering are there really girls who have those huge feet? My feet look like a child's feet wearing 'em.



I just save your time for a trip to the mall. But if you still want to, go on no one's stopping you from enjoying life's simple pleasures like window shopping or just eating out. But make sure you know how to resist the urge and the impulse to buy, they're kinda like the modern gals enemy, ya know.

I got a tip, don't bring too much moolah than you need for a day that will help you fight the shopaholic in you. That way you can think it through if you really want the purchase then if you finally decided you can always go back the next day but most of the time the urge to buy gets lost after a few hours so you just save yourself a few bucks again from crazy spending in unnecessary things.

I also believe that if it's for you, it's for you so don't caught up in urgency. Then if the item was already gone when you came back don't cry over spilled milk, there are always better things to come so don't fret. You'll get what you need just the right time you need it.

Is this still about shopping? Hope so... haha.

Have a great day everyone!

I couldn't think of any better title than quoting Bertrand Russell's “Time you enjoy wasting isn't wasted time”  for my yesterday's happening. I was supposed to attend a NO TO MINING IN PLALAWAN Signature Campaign but alas! the booth hasn't been set-up and therefore nothing to do but waste time.

Instead of being upset and start grumbling like an eight-year old I manage to focus more on positive things. I think this is what I do best for most part of my life, seeing beauty midst the disappointments. Yeah that other quote too which is becoming one of my favorites:

 "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, It's about learning to dance in the rain" --- anonymous

So I did dance in the rain except it wasn't really rain. It was easy for I'm now the type that if I were stuck, let's say in Afghanistan I'm going to go sightseeing and  take it as a photo op and maybe learn and investigate or write about how to live the terrorist way or the Bin Laden way... hehe or take it as a good time to catch up on my reading.

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Am going to break this story in a few blog entries for there just too many things to talk about so here's the first installment. Yay, am like J.K. Rowling now wahahaha, there's part 1 and part 2 and so on... (you wish aby!)

The question is will I get the same enthusiasm to continue this after another day? No clue but hope so, crossing my fingers now.
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My visit wasn't really wasted for I am very much happy that at such a long time I'm back again in my Alma mater. This time I'm no longer camera shy so picture-taking it is! I've visited all my favorite places to hang out then. I was even amazed that a few people still remember me after six years of being a graduate, WOW! Yeah just Wow! I'm so amazed and grateful for that.

I'll share a few stories why oh why out of the thousands students who passes this gate years and years the guard has recognized me. Simply because I'm a frakkin' law breaker, oh ok don't be exagge just broken a few rules here and there... hehe.

I'm a notorious driver meaning I don't have a gate pass sticker yet I always manage to get in the campus with my scooter and off the speed limits. When I'm in the mood for some kicks I drive in places where scooters aren't supposed to be running. I used to park in a place where it isn't allowed (says who I've seen a few motorcycles parked there too?) and therefore my day almost always ends up in the guard house claiming my scooter that they've impounded. Then I won't do it for a few days then back to normal again after a few more days or I just managed to find another hiding place for my scooter but still inside the campus... bahaha.

Then there's the not in uniform days and wearing slippers almost all the time and the "I forgot my I.D." darn thing.

They say familiarity breeds contempt but it's the other way around for me. I get my way out of sticky situations because of regular encounters with these guys. Oops wait for dirty minds, everything was casual and  platonic (I was a tomboy then so we're all friends.) I didn't date or talk to anyone of them more than 30 minutes or so and the longest chit chat is still about me begging for them to let me off the hook for my no sticker, illegally parked scooter... hehe.


Then there's Tiya where I got my halo, rice with dinuguan toppings. Too bad she's not selling anything like that now because things are getting pricey and she couldn't afford to sell food that cheap now, according to her. But there's still dinuguan available and I had my taste of her lumpia once again and betamax in the next stall. Woohoo I felt like I'm college again. Too bad the sago drinks are no longer here too.

Somehow some things will never change like the warmth of people and the memories brought by everyone and the places we've been. But for the rest I guess...

... time really changes things and truly they just come and go.

It's all like a wheel, one day you're up, the next you're down.

Like a switch, one day you're on, the next you're off.

Like fame, one day you're in, the next you're out.

Like fashion, one day you're hip, the next you're sloppy.

Like movies, one day you're block buster, the next you're flop.

Like twitter, one day you're trending, the next who are you then?

Very inevitable.

Hay CHANGE, why is it the only constant thing is you?

"She is trying to rip off Christian idolatry to shore up her talentless, mundane and boring performances," 

says the president of the Catholic League.

The tune features lyrics like: "I want to love you,/but something’s pulling me away from you/Jesus is my virtue, and Judas is the demon I cling to….I’m just a holy fool,/ oh baby he’s so cruel,/ but I’m still in love with Judas, baby.”

This is weird but with all my blog categories I actually find it most difficult writing about myself. To think this is my first week of blog programming and I'm already having a hard time coming up for today's personal post... darn.

It's really hard to write especially if I'm so darn happy. Happiness blurs my thinking caps. Although I wanted to avoid negativities in my blog and I like to write about happy thoughts but writing in a state of bliss is not much too ideal for coming up a sensible post. But I have to stick to my rules and I'm going to try and brake barriers on my writer's block today.

I slept it through and now what? Still struggling for this post. I'm thinking of just posting a Osama Bin Laden is Dead entry but I don't really like posting things in my blog just for the sake of ramping up my blog traffic. I admit there are things I copy and pasted from other websites for the sake of establishing a reference and I don't write things that isn't in my interest or I haven't carefully analyze. It's nice to increase your page views but I won't really stoop down to that level of degrading myself on just riding on with the hype. Besides there are no elaborated facts to prove this for now and the news said President Obama will give a statement later today about the matter.

(photo credit)

I'm actually having a downtime right now, it started last night. I don't know I thought I am tougher now and prepared for stuff like this but I was all so wrong. I'm still too weak dealing with emotional blackmail and it bothers me a lot especially coming from someone very important.

"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." ~ Anne Frank ~ (photo credit)

101 Truths About Me: #5 The word "HATE" is a very special word for me for when I say it in a serious manner I truly meant it but it is a darn give away that beyond the word is the very opposite.

Well, you see I guard my heart (maybe it's wrong to be that secure but with my experience I really need to do it or else I'll end up broken or worse in an asylum). I really don't mind the broken part as I am accustomed to that but the latter is what I fear the most. Kindness, sympathy and empathy are my worst traits. Nice to have but fatal to emotional stability. Consider it a gift and curse at the same time, it brings you joy the way it hurts you much.

People may say I'm too kind because I don't have enemies. Yes I don't unless there's someone out there that secretly hates me but as far as I am concern I have no time for making enemies and dealing with them. I have maybe too many acquaintances, civil relationships as they say but only very few intimate friends. And these people that made up my little cult are the ones subjected to that "HATE" word along with my family.

At the moment I actually have 3 people in my list that I "HATE" on and off for this year, ok make that 4, I'm including myself. So yeah, I guess I love myself too, maybe a little too much since I'm hating myself for almost half of the time...hehe. But one thing I learned in my Moral Philosophy class is to "hate the did but never hate the doer." (um, I'm quoting myself duh) But I would like to make exceptions for in my case I hate myself as much as I hate my mistakes.

So it is a given fact for me that if I don't hate something it means it doesn't really exist in my realm of intimate relationship. That's why you wouldn't really hear me talk shit about other people for I really don't care to stay up all night bothered by unimportant selfish, lying, abusive, opportunistic, assholes. Life is too short and precious to be spent in negativity but I like to dwell in muddy pits sometimes, just sometimes, rarely, once in a blue moon I must say but still my rant today isn't about just some parasite gay that social climb for a night for free booze and night of fun and lend some thousand bucks to afford a whore and obviously never pay it back. "FACT you" (See I'm in a bad mood today but I'm still tactful, the word I think still delivers the same impact as the 4-letter F word  but I dare not say in this blog.)

No, I don't hate that gay. He isn't a friend after all and I never considered him to be one and maybe that's how he felt too towards me. But I abhors him not his kind, I have nothing against gays or homos but I really don't like some stuff they like to do but well, it's their life. If they want to get dirty then get dirty but please don't spread your muds on our trails.

Enough of unimportant things let's get on to what I hate. Yes, "Emotional Blackmail." My mother knows my weakness, she is my mother after all not really surprising and I hate her for using this weak points to make sense to me in an argument. She often say "uto-uto ka kaya" (you are gullible) whenever she learned that I am doing something for someone for free. That's another thing I hate about her, she seems to consider all things that I am doing a waste of time, worthwhile for her is something that has a price tag on it. Blogging? What can you get from it? She'll ask. Volunteering? Can it put food on our table? etc. etc.

I know we are not rich but I am thankful for her for letting me live now like a hell of a pensioner. Yes I am admitting it. I deleted the word "independent" in my self-description since I came back home. I am still independent in almost all aspect except "financially" and my mother will add "physically" but I don't agree for that part because even though I'm too lazy for household chores I know I can do it on my own. I've done that in the metro and I am more of the perfectionist for that. I wanted my hair messy-looking YES, but everything else I want it all squeaky clean but now I am saying I don't really mean I am going to do the cleaning. But it doesn't mean that someone needs to do that for me. If I can no longer stand the mess I'll clean it up and that's how my mother does it too but she's just super sensitive on little things that if she want these things to be done, she wanted it in a snap of her fingers. And I hate that snap of the fingers part, it applies whenever, wherever even if that means you have to get out of the toilet while you're in the middle of #2 or you're slumbering in the most weirdest time of the day. Yes, yes, I said I'm going to do it but can you at least wait for a sec, it's not like the world will end if I didn't wash my dishes in a span of 30 minutes.

I am older now I know what to do even if she actually thinks that I don't and treat me like a 7-year old. That stinks. She always say "you don't have a purpose in life." Well, newsflash I do and it's all written in my journals since I was a fourth grader but I know she doesn't really take it as something worthwhile because it doesn't jive with her laid out purpose in her life's plan.

But if you could only learn to wait for just a little more time my worthwhile things will be climbing your definition of worthwhile things in terms of your hefty price tag. But I know it won't change your mind about forcing me into doing the things on your plan but sorry I'm never going back to your manual programming. This is my life, make or break I am sailing as a captain of my ship. Well you can be the adviser but please get off your hand in my steering wheel.

I had enough I was pulled into depression living her dreams and I would like to stop blaming people for my misfortunes because obviously I am the sole responsible for my life so I've learned the hard way never to let other people on the driver's seat and wheeled your life for in the end they will only tell you "it is your life after all when everything's turn out badly they'll point out that it was all your fault." But when it turns out the other way of course all the praises leads to the greatness of the one-in-charge and they'll claim it to be their brilliant plans. I don't really care for all that public glory, let's just leave that to our trapo and celebs that wanted to establish philanthropic acts in front of cameras. I prefer doing good things when no one is looking.

Now, I am sorry call me a prodigal daughter, a problem-maker, a disobedient child but I am claiming my life and I have my own paths laid out for me please just keep your beaten track in your closet. I don't want to use it, I prefer to create my own. I am not saying that your plans aren't worthwhile but it's just that I am not you but I wouldn't mind taking some advice and constructive criticism. You might always say we look alike and I don't mind that REALLY but I am not your extended self, I am your daughter but I am not your puppet so I wish for you to cut those strings and let me pull my trigger.

I don't argue with the cliche' "mother's know best" but sorry in terms of living my life I know better now after all as I've said it is my life and your kind of happiness, isn't necessarily my kind of happiness. The same way we don't agree with the meaning of worthwhile. And believe me not pushing into my throats your kind of life will save us both from messing each others day. That's a good start for me, to actually straighten up my life and keep you from ruining it...

P.S. Having a million bucks in my bank account but doing what I don't like for the sake of society's recognition and honor is not my definition of success. But if the things that I love to do would bring food to the table, now we're talking and for somehow it will amount to a million bucks, who are you kidding, of course I want that million bucks, who doesn't right?

It's Holy Week and I don't know but "Banal na Aso, Santong Kabayo" is always the first song that comes to mind. From what's happening nowadays it seems this is the perfect theme song for Lenten Season.