Speckles n Spectrum

back to basics seemingly-banal adventures of an eclectic modern muser...

"Learning from the Past, Hopes for the Future, and a Life's Journey of making the most of what's at hand."


Blogging in general has never been easy... 
but despite the odds it's always been fun 
though sometimes tedious when I'm not in the mood for my blah, blah, blah

People accuse you of being self-absorbed, narcissistic or vain though I'm a bit of it all... haha
Seriously everyone is self-absorbed sometimes and I admit I'm a bit of a narcissist but never vain.
I spend so much time a long time ago seeing my flaws in the mirror, I'm a different kind of Narcissa I guess.

This picture is ugly, I know.
If journal blogging invites too much ridicule what more is fashion blogging eh?
Especially for plus size women like me.

Someone said I promote obesity for being out and loud proclaiming I'm plus size.
But WTH not everyone can be Size Zero?
I'm just saying "whatever body you're in, own it and be comfortable with your own skin."
There's nothing wrong wanting to lose weight 
but since I'm still stuck with this I guess I have to enjoy the perks of being plus size... sarcasm bleh

Arts, Fashion, Aesthetics or whatever isn't superficiality if you don't obsess with it. 
I like simple things, I like to enjoy life and by enjoying life I mean celebrating every sense of it.
This is self-expression and creativity if you can't understand that not my damn problem anymore.
But I'll bet my 2 cents on this that my way of life is as simple as it can get.

Freedom... it is. 
My inhibitions are out.
I won't let anyone eat me out without a fight.
Life is what you make it.

Stand up and fight even if the reflection screaming at you isn't always looking as good as your best.

Twas Never Easy

Blue Pearl Boutique Oversized Boho printed dress 
Tiendesitas yellow bangle
black and yellow flowered ring
Ethnic yellow-gold earrings 
Rusty Lopez purple strappy sandals

I made this last Saturday, my own version of Spring Rolls or Lumpia. It could be fried or fresh but because I got lazy I just preferred fried. But I guess if I were a bit strict on healthy eating I'll choose the latter. Anyways, what's done is done so here it is another hearty meal except for the extra corn oil bleh. 

Speckled Spring Rolls (Cheddar Tuna Herbs & Sprouted Lumpia in Olive Oil with 3 kinds of Dips)

olive oil
red onions
iodized salt (to taste)
corn oil
molo wrappers

Pour Olive Oil in a heated pan.

Saute garlic until brown and add onions.
Toast the tuna for a bit then add sprouted and a slice of butter.
Let it cook for a few minutes while tossing it to prevent burning.

Let the mixture cool for a while and get ready to roll it with the molo wrappers.
Add cheese on top of 1/2 tablespoon mixture.

I used molo wrappers because it's what's available at that time
and 2 pieces of wrappers per piece of spring rolls  for it's a bit brittle for the Lumpia mixture.

Pan fry the spring rolls in Corn Oil.

Serve with any dips you like.
I have 3 dips here:
mayo with catsup
mang tomas
jufran sweet chili sauce

It was a bit rainy that night and I've nowhere to go so I hang out for quite sometime in the Gazebo of Metropolitan Cathedral which explains the wet lining of the skirt... haha.

While I was busy taking these photos there was another photographer snapping a few shots behind my back. If only he didn't have a camera it could have been weird. But there a few more who were there and didn't.

I hate it when I wanted some "ME" time and people are popping out in the place where I'm chilling. 
I know I don't own the place but still I don't like nosy people who show up just to check 
what you're doing when you're just listening to music with your laptop on full speaker volume 
and taking snaps alone outside the church
unless they want to strike up a conversation that would be a lot better.

The rain had stopped and the wind started to blow my hair. 
It carries the name of thy faith and I've nothing left to do but be mesmerized by the beauty of the moment.

Come... sit a while and think with me.

Sometimes the wind whispers your name and I'm mesmerized...

blue metallic headband
kultura rose bamboo earrings
ethnic-patterned backless shirt
cotton full skirt
skechers cali sandals
butterfly large bag from dv

101 Truths About Me: #8 I'm a hopeless romantic.

It may never show but I am a hopeless romantic ever since. I enjoy sappy movies, crappy love songs sometimes but never much in the open or out loud.

All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.
--- Andre Breton

I don't know but my outer shell screams punk and rock but my inner core is a soft marshmallow swelling up for petty romantic stuff.

Maybe it's because I never really had a real boyfriend in a sense that all my bfs are net bfs. I also always joke about love stuff being eww but deep inside I've been longing for Mr. Right, for that one soulmate who will lend his ears and heart even for a while to comfort me and eases my hollow soul.

This is the only time I'll ever admit it there are times when I glance around and see couples and I felt envious and kept wondering for my other half too, my special someone. Maybe I've been way to good of a pretender, pretending I didn't need anybody, pretending I'm tough enough to survive all these mess alone in my lifetime. But today I'm brave enough to face reality. I'm just a girl wanting to be loved, waiting to be loved. I am still a feminist, boyish and all that but I have that side and it's claiming its rightful place in my soul, my mind, and my body. On top of my lungs I wanted to scream and let that little girl inside me out, that little girl who always wanted to be pampered. That little girl who's always been a princess but never wanted to be a damsel in distress.

Life is such a mystery sometimes a misery and sometimes a magical fantasy-reality. One day I'll hope to meet my prince not riding a mighty chariot but just merely smiling at the sight of my pretty face wanting to love me without the expectations of a masterpiece, wanting to share his life with me without pretenses, wanting to breath the same air with me, share the laughter and the tears of living, the joy of love and the grace of God.

Someday, for now I'll just let it be praying that destiny, fate, faith, love and all that will do magic to fulfill my very own fairytale.

A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. 

Honestly when I said in the last entry that I am fulfilled I meant it but being fulfilled doesn't mean not having problems, not being pissed and, all just happy things. You wouldn't know how much you love something if all it gives you is a feeling of high and being in cloud 9. As I've mentioned in one of my poems "flowers meet adversity to bloom." You can't be complete as a person if you haven't experienced misery. 

I realized I was indeed in love with my job. I was pissed yesterday and as a result I've eaten way too much than I can chew. Thank God I didn't vomit all of that. I don't want to share work stuff that much I believe it should be private and things aren't supposed to be discussed openly in such a blog like this. But I'd like to state that I wasn't angry at all I'm just disappointed because it seems the more effort I give, the more kindness I share it always ends up in the drain. 

But I find fulfillment in these things for I like to follow this:
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

Dr. Kent M. Keith

 I don't want to be bitter. I know I'm just getting started and it's too early for me to give up. It's hard to keep up with people with different perspectives for I cannot please everybody and I don't want to please everybody. I am not a machine, a robot that will bow with your every whims but I believe that I have a duty to accomplish, a vision to fill, and a mission to oneself that I needed to give my best shot.

My actions may be misinterpreted by others but I'm not forcing anyone to believe in all these stuff for as I've said I'm doing things for thyself, for my own fulfillment. I may be selfish at that but at least my dreams include others so that separates me to ordinary selfish lurking souls.

My cousin said "You cannot give anything that you don't have." I guess I have love, understanding, kindness, and a lot more inside me which is now overflowing and that which I'd like to share. It's just difficult to make some people realize how true it can be for right now in this world not too many have this kind of eagerness towards life.

For this I thank the one above me for giving me all the strength to face this head-on. It's difficult to stand up for yourself when it seems everyone is ganging up on you and were all like just waiting for you to trip, fall down, and commit one big mistake so they can bid you goodbye. But still I'll stand up and stay strong holding to my faith for there is nothing that can make me falter with the grace of protection bestowed upon me by thy savior.

From now on I say, "Life is what we make it." Having good faith is better than being bitter but it doesn't mean I'm just going to smile and let people trample upon me to the point that I'll lose my self-respect. I have too much patience but there is always that fine line that flashes a red light when you're already crossing the line or going overboard and I won't hesitate to claim that right and shout "foul." I can be nice (even way too nice in fact) but when my patience snaps never tell me that I didn't warn you. But don't worry there's still that little signage flashing over my head that says "be good anyway."

It's been a while since the last entry here, too many things had happened and it's overwhelming and amazing not even me can fathom the reality of life. How it can be all too cruel then the next day it seems it's cuddling you like a baby.

Just like that in a snap my life has changed like a jigsaw puzzle the pieces are falling into pieces. Truly "When it rains it pours." Who would've thought that within a week I'll have that fulfillment I was looking for for way too many years. It strange as it seems but I found it within the same road I was avoiding to take. But then I already knew even then that I wanted to teach but when I'm older and wiser, and no one is forcing me into it and it was surprising that I was ready by this time.

 "One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it. 
~ French Proverb"

It was really overwhelming. I know by the entries of this blog I can tell that they may assume I was all just making excuses for all those dumb things I've done. Well, I guess it's really hard for some to believe all of these bullshit. I too can't believe all of these myself haha. But here it is that chance for me to prove myself to thy own. I thought I'll never be able to walk this path, pessimistic much eh?

On the day of my birthday this blog got almost 500 visits and am not sure what exactly they are looking for in a stagnant blog, hibernating for a while? I guess something having more sense or exciting perhaps? Well, I really have no clue but here's what I got, I think some truth will do? Probably haha

I guess I was getting bored since I've experienced again the joy of going out this September I finally decided I wanted to work offline since I'm getting tired with online jobs that just come and go and some don't even pay. (Yes, I do work I'm a freelancer actually but some projects are confidential and the money isn't good enough so I just say I'm a parasite to my mum, that's the easiest excuse to avoid explaining haha =) And I've actually intended to be a parasite (makabalos balos lamang haha)

I'll recount the story of my job application here since it was really pretty overwhelming.

October 03, 2011
I wasn't able to get out of the house early because I needed to wait for the alkaline delivery. Probably it's 3pm when I finally reach the HR Office of a certain school here in Naga City. I was applying for the second semester as an English Instructor but she'd asked me if I'm willing to try to demo teach for Basic Culinary Arts. I've explained that I don't have much experience about it and I don't think I'm qualified but she insisted so to make the long story short I walk out of her office expecting for a callback ASAP. I never thought that I'll have the truest meaning of that word As Soon As Possible like Right Now... haha

Going home that day at around 8pm I was surprised to hear the news. My mum said someone called around 5pm and said that I needed to demo teach sharp at 8am the next day. Whoa!

How can you actually do all of that within 12 hours time frame? I was down to start with because my mum kept on trash talking me again. Like "Why did you apply for Culinary? You don't know anything about that? What are you going to teach? You don't have the capability for that? Blah, blah, blah."

Sweet. Like just what I needed frak.

There you go. I'm frakking doing what she wanted, applied for a teaching job and now? Whatever.

To rub it in, adding insult to injury I still asked her if she has some lesson plan samples. As usual blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, the last time I've done a lesson plan was 2006 and the last time I talked in straight English in front of a crowd was 2008, probably (thank God to the nosebleed September that I was able to practice my English haha) . Reviewing what I've used for the demo I wasn't able to include the reference for it and also for the powerpoint presentation, my bad. Well, college don't use lesson plans but for demos you ought to have one.

With my mother on the side telling shitty things... if I were my old self I'll probably just give up, spend 3 days utmost mending my bruised ego until I show up to the world again. But I'm renewed and it comes as a surprised to have all that confidence and courage still intact during that day. 2011 is really amazing, I'm all fix.

When she says "You can't do it." I scream on top of my head "I can and I will, just watch me."
When she says "You're ugly." I dress up, fix myself and get all dolled-up to make her realize she needed to upgrade her glasses.

Well I guess, she had realized it already because for these past few weeks she kept staring at me like I'm a different person. Given the fact she was hiding and locked all her bags, jewelries and threatening to lock her room if I used her shoes again. Choosing for them to rut and wither and get old and dusty rather than just let me use it. As if those are the only things that can make a person pretty, silly.

When she says "You're lazy." Only for you. Exactly. (makabalos balos man lamang haha)

Here's our equation:

0% effort + 100% bumming = 100% trash talk
99% deed - 1% mistake = [100 % trash talk]2

I know you get it, there's something freaking wrong with the equation. Life's like that =)

October 04, 2011
8am: Demo day
I thought they'll never let me in since I don't have all the requirements to teach the subject.
8pm: Went home again and I told my mum that the demo was fine but I need some TESDA qualifying exams to get hired and she was like "sabi ko na, sabi ko na." Then said they texted her and I was supposed to report at 3pm that day to complete the hiring process if ever I'm willing to accept the job offer.

It was crazy then my mum started trash talking again as if it will still work. From that day on I knew she no longer controls me. I can't be sabotaged by her pessimistic views, not that day, not today, not ever.

I remember one of my college professors told me that I am "lazy but brilliant." I beg to differ the truth is it should be "disturb but brilliant." Oh well, it wasn't the lazy part that's bothering me, twas the brilliant part. I'm just fine, good may be, whatever.

October 05, 2011
8am: I'm hired... wee
4pm: First laboratory class and the rest is history =)

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.  
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's October already and I only got 2 entries last September. I kinda decided to slack on the blogging and switch on my extroverted side even just for a month. (I'll post something about that some other day.)

I know I needed to catch up with this blog since it's getting stagnant. First Sunday of the month and it means recipe time. I just made this yesterday. I decided to write the recipe now since it's still fresh on my mind since I'm already having trouble remembering the ingredients and procedure for all the other recipes I made for the past months, amnesia or dementia or whatever it is but am pretty sure it's because of aging haha.

Spectrum Vegan Pasta (Spicy Herbs & Mushrooms Vegan Pasta)

Extra Virgin Olive Oil
red onion
black pepper
thyme (leaves)
rosemary (whole)
oregano (whole)
200 g spicy tomato & cream gourmet sauce
175 g spaghetti pasta Italiana noodles

How to mess it up:

1. Cook the noodles according to package instructions.
2. In a heated pan pour in just a little amount of Extra Virgin Olive Oil.
3. Let the garlic turn golden brown then add the onion. 
4. Toss in the sliced mushrooms. (For non-vegans you can actually add some butter to add flavor and then some parmesan cheese.)
5. Season with pepper and salt.
6. Add the spicy gourmet sauce.
7. Pour the sauce to the noodles and add the herbs on top.

*For this particular recipe I used the 20 peso Merienda Pack of Del Monte which can make up to 4 servings which makes it more affordable instead of linguine. 

* This is a vegan recipe that's why there's no dairy or animal products used like butter, tuna, cheese, or milk. 

* The sauce isn't really spicy which is a bit disappointing for me. If you want to spice it up one-notch some hot sauce or Tabasco will do.

A friend asked me if I was crying a while ago and I wonder why?

Well, probably because of the last status I posted on facebook. It made me laugh... I'm just having tantrums it's too shallow for me to shed tears on matters like that. It's confirmed I'm still pretty much immature because I'm acting like a spoiled brat not getting what she wants and throwing fits.

I have a few friends not talking to me these past few days because of something I've done. (My faults vary from person to person. I guess I've been too naive and childish to disappoint quite a few in such a month of festivity... pesky me!)  I already said sorry but then how many times do I really need to say sorry to be forgiven? I'm not even sure if what I'm saying sorry for is the real issue because it's really too petty if it were. I thought we're friends but then I guess... that sucks... sigh =(

I said I won't go online on facebook but I can't help it I need gr8quotes and jokes to brighten my day so I'm just hiding haha and too bad I can't like and comment on stuff. Crazy me hayyy

Anyways I actually went offline for a few hours and it's a good thing because finally I was able to read the book my cousin gave me on my birthday (that is which on the above photo with pretty wrappings and all, so sweet of him =) I was supposed to read it yesterday but then I got preoccupied so today thanks to thy being moody I did it yey.

I started reading it about 4pm then at 10pm I was done. It is so inspiring and truly whiles away my time. I didn't expect it to be that leisurely to read. I thought I'll have to drag through the pages just so I can finish it. Surprisingly it was quite entertaining to read with a few bits of biographical stories of famous people like Oprah, Columbus, etc.

Destination Success is a book I know my cousin personally chose for he knows it's perfect for me or rather I badly needed it haha. I admit I needed the concrete realization from the book because I've been too easy go lucky for quite sometime now. Although I was heading there before I've even read this but still it's such a nice feeling to have read something like this with a very clear perspective about success.

It made me think what success truly means for me. My idea is just too vague and maybe too idealistic. Success for me is happiness. It's being with your love ones, having enough to get by everyday and a few of the whims, safe and sound, and doing what your heart truly desire.
But the book gives me more profound ideas about it. Success needs effort, diligence, perseverance, determination, and you have to sweat it out to achieve it. I know all of these stuff but for a while I'm not getting serious on the financial aspect of it because of some personal reasons (which is too personal to share haha)

Anyways, all of that will be changing soon because I'm getting tired being a subtle rebel.

Hey, Pa. If I had a baby that year s/he will be 12 years old by now and probably graduating from elementary, might have been something to celebrate right? But no we're not that kind of teens in spite of not growing up with a complete family because you have to leave before we even get to truly understand the meaning of "life."

Life has been pretty tough since. It was a rocky road and I wish it was delicious as an ice cream haha but it wasn't. So you might ask what's up? Hmmm, nothing much. I'm still that kid who learned the word stubborn when I was in Grade 2 because it was written in red ink at the back of my report card. Sweet right? Haha

I still miss those days because you were the only one who can actually laugh with me and my mistakes. I can break things and take it as if it was nothing making me feel I'm more important than that piece of glassware. (I still have that scar in one of my fingers that reminds me how you've offered to continue washing the dishes after I was wounded by a broken glass.)

I'm not saying good things about you because you're already gone. You know I'm not that kind of person. I won't lie just because you're already dead. I'm not into a game of impressing the living so why would I do things to please the departed? Silly right?

We had bad times too. In fact I clearly remember that you rarely get angry. It was a once a year event at most and I'm the lucky one who always get to celebrate it with a few strokes of real leather belt on my behind. And we know if you're pissed when we hear the keyword "sinvergüenza" followed by few bicol curses. 

We even argue once because of that shirt you're wearing in this photo.
I was 10 years old and growing to be boyish and starting to lend your shirts.
I argue that it has pink on it so girls can wear it too.
I won and I'm pretty sure not because you bought my argument  =)

But you know all of that and perhaps everything about us since probably you're up there watching us make a damn mess in this world. So really what's up with me finally writing about this dreaded topic? It's been years and you know what I guess I am finally free. I'm even surprise because this year it feels so good to be true.

Last year I wasn't able to think about it because we were all busy with the souvenir shop/cofitti and resto. I guess that's my gift from Virgen de Peñafrancia on her tercentenary year: peace of mind. I've been busy dealing with other stuff that I skipped the melancholy brought by September in 2010. I didn't have time to sit and day dream with a misty eye while listening to that Luther Vandross' song.

Quite the same thing happened this June on your death anniversary. I got busy with stuff and the next thing I knew I slept through the whole day. Then here's your birthday you're 57 by now, old man... haha

And you know what Pa? It's amazing to still be here after years of losing you and realizing that for this year it's going to be different from the rest for I finally let go. I no longer pray the same stuff. My litanies aren't wishful thinking and my day dreams are no longer the old what ifs. Finally I'm living in the present tense. I won't lie, I still cry when I think about you and I can't promise to keep my eyes dry whenever you pop in my head but it's now tears of joy, of remembering, and reliving the memories.

I can't still see the bigger picture of His decision of claiming you too early but I'm more optimistic and open to the idea that whatever His reasons might be something for the better.

But hey, stop right there. Do you all really think I'm that super duper mega stubborn that I needed to get through all these initiations to get pass life on earth? As if I wanted to go to your so called heaven haha

Life is a freak but well, sorry life for I am freakier than you. Gotcha!


I got this song we loved to listen to during my grade school years. Sorry I lost the cassette tape I don't know why of all tapes Matt Monro's album is missing while Vina Morales and the Cha-Cha tapes are still here, shame.

I guess this song speaks a lot about you and the things that remind me of you. These are the stuff that made up my ideals too. Thanks for everything and sorry I'm not the type to make promises for I think promises are made to be broken and I'm forgetful and fickle which makes it more difficult. But I know for sure that's fine with you because you've always been very accepting of who we are.

So long Pa, I'm just here being myself. I know that's good enough. I don't need fireworks or anything to make you appreciate the rest of me. You've been with us for only a short span but you were able to give us what some people might take more than a lifetime to accomplish. You're not the teacher yet you've given us the most wonderful lessons without being aware that you did. You don't impose or force, you gave us freewill and had always asked, "Ano ang gusto mo nene?" You made us feel what love truly is, we don't need to sacrifice anything to earn it because you've given it for free and unconditionally.

Ma said you're the sosy type, you're spoiled and your hands were too soft for a man which in layman's term "lazy." (I do get the same comments about my hands (which I think is too shallow for people to conclude laziness by just basing on the softness of your hands because I too do household chores for am closer to being poor than being a princess) but I'd like to ask: Is loving household chores the sole basis of being industrious? If it was my, why did I wasted my time going to school if everyone just wanted us to perfect dish washing and doing the laundry? Ha ha, sorry stupid thoughts again. Well, I went to school so I can find something to do that doesn't involve scrubbing the tiles all the time. Though I wouldn't mind doing it once a year haha)

Seriously, I don't care I'm not blind and I know of course that every person has their negative traits but yours simply drowned in the long list of distinctive good things:

  • you're the most down to earth person I've known
  • you give the last of your centavo even to strangers who knock even on the wee hours
  • you're a friend to all that even little kids admire you
  • you're loyal and faithful that even if girls drool you simply tease your way out
  • you're the easiest to please for your joys were of simple things
 and there's quite a list but I'm going to cut it here before you yell out your magic word =)

Happy natal day and advance greetings for me and Anchie too. =)

It's been a while I just wanted to say hi to my blog that's feeling neglected at the moment by its owner. =)

I'm quite busy lately doing some stuff and I've tons of photos already that just needed some write-ups which I'm pretty lame to do at the moment. Truly blogging needs focus which I can't afford right now because my mind is cartwheeling these days.

I finally decided that I'm done with experimenting so it's time to move on and start acting like a real grown-up. The happy-go-lucky-days should have to end soon as well as the idealism and the worst of altruism. I've to be practical and touch-base with reality. We can't have everything for free and in this lifetime we need to work our ass off since not everyone is born with silver spoon in their mouth and I'm definitely not one of those lucky few. But I'm grateful to have the things most necessary and a bit of the whims.

"Let's tell the truth to people. When people ask, 'How are you?' have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know, however, that people will start avoiding you because, they, too, have knees that pain them and heads that hurt and they don't want to know about yours. But think of it this way: If people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you." — Maya Angelou (Letter to My Daughter)

The way my mind runs is peculiar to most. I guess if thoughts are spinning mine goes counter-clockwise and chaotic. I actually do stupid things because I don't want to make those when I'm old. I'm still young I know I can still afford to be stupid and irresponsible and, get away with bad choices since I'm still learning and gaining insights. I don't want to reach 60 and look back full of regrets of not being able to experience life the way young people should. I don't want to retrogress at that time for the sake of fulfilling past fixations.

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." — Mahatma Gandhi

A lot of people who's expecting more from me are already being disappointed because of my luck of ambition. Telling me if only I've stayed longer or started earlier, done this, done that I should be someone significant now, somewhere doing something socially acceptable and praise-worthy. Even new friends tell me that I can do better and I know they're right but my premise is: If everyone wanted to be on top then who would stay at the bottom to hold the ladder? Or if everyone wanted to be the President then who would sweep the floor? Hmm certainly not me but I'm pretty sure I wanted to do something else on my own. According to T. S. Eliot: "Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things." And I do I like to keep things simple. I simply just want a life where I can be free doing what I like with or without recognition. But I won't be coy and say that genuine compliments or even a shoulder pat won't make a difference.

I have fancied myself a rebel, but at every critical moment of my life, I have been exactly the child my parents raised.  ~Robert Brault

The truth of the matter is I've never really been stagnant for the last years and I won't even use being depressed as an excuse. Let's just say I've been into a secret mission of soul searching and real life experiments which is more like an immersion. The last one I call it The Zero Pride Management and along with that I know I've been the most irresponsible kid for wanting to experience first The Retirement Life before I actually jump into a real lifelong career.  It's a product of a twisted mind but I guess in my case: it had worked. But I am not saying that it is the right thing to do for I can never truly justify delaying to be useful and to be of help because of self-centered ideals in any court and it's one of the mistakes I am guilty of.

"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first." ---  Ernestine Ulmer 

All I can say is that now I know how it was like to be empty-handed, to lose pride, to be degraded at its worst, treated like an imbecile and, sitting at the lowest of either the caste system or the totem pole or whatever hierarchy this discriminating society has. (I guess I'm being emotional that I'm kinda exaggerating this. Please pardon me, it's touching a sensitive side too personal to express.)

But then I know now too how peaceful life can be without obsessing into earthly things like material wealth or titles. Suddenly, you become more humble, fulfillment comes easy while your expectations become manageable, you appreciate every little acts of kindness, you value more relationships and people who still treat you nicely despite your shortcomings, you're grateful for even the littlest things and, you start to realize that you've been blessed a lot every time you wake up into a bright new day.

Now I am ready to get back on track with the hard-earned lessons:

  • No one has the right to treat anyone worst just because they thought they're far better because if they were actually they should know that, Better people don't treat anyone less than they expect to be treated themselves.  

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.  
~James D. Miles

  • Money isn't everything but I have to tell my dumb brain to stop being exaggeratedly altruistic because I need some to put food on the table. 
  • Problems are blessings. They are meant to exercise all facets of being.
"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." 
— Mother Teresa

  • It is really possible to have more when you have nothing.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.
— Charles R. Swindoll 

  • Not everyone is alike. People have different reasons and motivations for doing things so we must always give the benefit of a doubt. Be open-minded, you may be hurt but it's not right to hate the world for few bad apples you met along the journey.
"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." — Mahatma Gandhi

I know I still have a lot more things to learn I'm not even halfway there and time will never stop and wait for me while am getting ready; it was my choice then to run on my own pace that's why I know I am never left behind. (While some people are busy meddling with someone else's business and trying to race with one another; playing survivor: outwit, outplay, outlast everyone in the game I was busy competing with myself.) That's why I know I'm just right on time the way it was meant to be for everything happens for a reason according to will and for that I can never complain. All I can do is to stand up as fast as I can every time I stumble.

Everyday is a battle and the world is an arena it's just a matter of choice how you're going to fight. Will it be fair and kind, cruel as devil-may-care, or even survival of the fittest? Some play tricks, some get dirty, some act, some think, some just shrug it off, some treat it as a comedy and some a tragedy. I choose to look at things in an optimistic bird's eye-view which brings me to a conclusion that life is good in general and I can't wait to enjoy my retirement days and give back what is due to many an individual who cared for me during the toughest times and no matter what I know I will forever be grateful and in debt for the love and generosity...

Now, it's still a long way down the road so let's just get ready to rumble!

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin." — Mother Teresa

Orchidaceae, usually referred to as the Orchid family, is a morphologically diverse and widespread family of monocots in the order Asparagales. It is currently believed to be the largest family of flowering plants with between 21,950 and 26,049 currently accepted species, found in 880 genera.

The name comes from the Greek órkhis, literally means "testicle," because of the shape of the root.The term was introduced in 1845 by John Lindley in School Botany. (orchid wiki)

These are my mother's beautiful orchids that bloom all-year round. 

August yey. It's 30 minutes past 1 in the morning, it's Monday here. I know I'm supposed to have this posted by Sunday but it's Sunday in some parts of the world so it doesn't matter right? Haha

I've been sick for almost 3 days now, colds, runny nose and high fever. I'm feeling awful and I'm glad my mother brought me some seafood to cook because I'm also getting sick eating broccoli and lettuce almost everyday for about 4 months now since she went back from NZ. Didn't I tell you she enjoyed her travel there very much that she wanted to at least do some of the stuff especially the food she ate even back here. Thank goodness because she suddenly appreciates fresh milk, cheeses, pasta and a lot more that I was trying to convinced her to like way back. But broccoli and lettuce everyday is just too much especially it's cook the same way everyday only some other days she had meat, then for some days she uses tofu. It's delicious but because of excessive repetition it's getting bland and tasteless for my taste-buds. I actually have a choice to cook my own food and I do that once in a while.

This shellfish is called Punaw in our language and known as cockles. It's very cheap 1 pack is only 10 pesos, I got 2 packs for this recipe. This is my own rendition of a  family recipe I've learnt to cook when I was a kid so this is really very easy to do and very healthy too.

Speckled Cockles

Extra Virgin Olive Oil
red onion
Cockles (Punaw)
black pepper
ginger diced
1 ½ cup of water
3 pcs calamansi

How to mess it up:

1. Make sure to wash and clean the cockles with water then drain afterwards.

2. Pour just a little amount of Extra Virgin Olive Oil in a heated pan. 

3. Saute garlic until golden brown before adding onions and ginger.

4. Add the cockles and toss it along with the first ingredients while adding just a tiny slice of butter for more flavor. 

5. After a while of tossing pour in the water. In low-medium heat let it simmer and wait until all shells had opened.
Opening of shells means it's cook.

6. Add the extracted calamansi juice. Make sure to mix it well.

7. Season with salt, pepper and herbs. For this recipe I used thyme, basil and oregano to kick-up its taste. 

Enjoy best while hot. 

* We usually cook this with green papaya but we don't have it available the day I cooked this but still it's pretty delicious and comforting on its own.
* Ginger is essential for it helps eliminate the fishy smell and taste of seafood (according to my mum.)

This is actually the same with my mum's favorite Geewan's Sinigang na Punaw (I've mentioned in Just Another Day) which cost way a lot cheaper when you cook it at home though mine was pretty plain so you can toss some more veggies you'd like to add with this recipe too.

Oh if you're wondering why the cockles were too cheap it's because my mum got it from Tinambac, our old town which is 45-minutes by car and almost an hour by commute from Naga City, seafood is really very inexpensive there and fresh too. I might as well right something about that place one of these days.

After being deemed unfit for military service, Steve Rogers volunteers for a top secret research project that turns him into Captain America, a superhero dedicated to defending America's ideals.

Director: Joe Johnston
Writers: Christopher Markus (screenplay), Stephen McFeely(screenplay)
Stars: Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving and Hayley Atwell
Language: English
Release Date: 27 July 2011 (Philippines)
Also Known As: Captain America

Taglines: Avenge

Genres: Action | Adventure | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action

Source: IMDb

The last time I've seen a movie in 3d I said never again am gonna waste my money when it's just almost the same with the usual big screen. But this movie changes my mind about 3d. I guess you just have to choose well which one you're going to watch because Captain America in 3d was darn amazing. Maybe it's also because of the fact that we were sitting way to near so obviously it heightened the impact. We found ourselves gasping for breaths and moving away our heads practicing our reflexes involuntarily almost every time Captain America's shield were thrown. It almost felt too real that you have to look out so you wouldn't get hit. 

The movie indeed was done impeccably in terms of visual effects with the use of Computer-Generated Imagery (CGI). You wouldn't believe that "Skinny Steve" is the same person in real life with the bulky Captain America. Yup, the Fantastic Four human torch Chris Evans.

“There was an awful a lot of work involved to make our main visual effect, ‘Skinny Steve’, the pre-rebirth Steve Rogers, before he is transformed into Captain America,” says Visual Effects Supervisor Christopher Townsend “We talked about using a CG head similar to what they had done with The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [2008].” 

“It wouldn’t have served the purpose of the film and the purpose of the film is to get our actor, Chris Evans in this case, up on screen. We all wanted his performance to be there as much as possible. After much R&D we ended up with a 2D solution where we are literally mesh warping Chris Evans’ body and slimming him down, reducing his shoulders and arms, making his face more gaunt, thinning out his nose, making his chin more pointy, not quite an all American square jaw, and also making him shorter by about five inches.”
The movie isn't just good in VFX. It is actually one of the best if not the best action-hero movie you'll ever watch and it's for the whole family too even with PG-13 rating for some intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action. There are actually valuable lessons that all ages can learn and relate to in this movie. Like never giving up for your dreams and fighting for your beliefs no matter what and never forget those precious hero essential word "humility." 

My favorite scenes were actually those times that Steve Rogers ends up saying "Is this a test?" For those were we realized the best lessons the movie offers to the viewers that we should never judge anyone by their appearance. Those scenes were the happy ones too with punch lines like "He's still skinny." 

This is actually a feel good action-hero movie I must say. You'll find an occasional funny lines and thrown convincingly clever by the actors. I can still remember the line "Can please somebody give that kid a sandwich" and still smile just thinking about it.

Though obviously funny lines are mocking or sarcastic in nature but it was so subtle that you'll just find yourself laughing for it was all good pun for fun. It was actually sort of cliche already because it had been the common jokes for skinny people but it was written in a different light thus it strikes like something wittingly new. 

There's also a bit of romance. Poor Steve doesn't know how to deal or even talk comfortably with women. You can actually somehow felt how those couples felt twitterpated in each encounters. Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) is very charming with that vintage locks and red lipsticks and of course who wouldn't be mesmerized with Captain America's bod. It was said that he needed to gain over 20lbs of pure muscles just for the role but the production team had to use CGI because losing weight for the Skinny Steve was not too easy.

Chris Evans declined the role three times before accepting the part. After that, he had a meeting with the director and the producers who convinced him to take the role.

Then he said this huh? 

Chris Evans was attracted to the role of Captain America by its character: "Even if it wasn't a comic book. I think the story of Steve Rogers is great. He's a great guy. Even if it was just a script about anybody, I would probably want to do it. It wasn't necessarily about the comic itself. He's a great character to play; he just happens to be a comic book character."

Quotes I like from the movie:

  1. Steve Rogers / Captain America: 
  2. Why me?
  1. Dr. Abraham Erskine: 
  2. Because a weak man knows the value, of strength. Knows the value, of power.
Captain America/Steve Rogers: “I don’t want to kill anyone. I just don’t like bullies, no matter where they’re from.” 
Dr. Abraham Erskine: "Whatever happens, stay who you are...not a perfect soldier, but a good man."


Perfect 5. This is a movie where you can't find too many flaws that you won't forgive for if there's any that would be too trivial. Overall it's very entertaining and I must say no dull moments even during the slow conversational scenes for the story moves in fast, full, clever punny excitement. One that you'd liked to watch over and over without needing to fast forward on some dragging, boring parts.

The visual effects too contributed a lot to that very watchable and entertaining characteristics. You can say that a good VFX is something that doesn't look like it's VFX rather natural and looks more real. The actors too were all good especially the main character. You'll be convinced that he was that humble in the movie and yet come to remember Fantastic Four and how arrogant and boyish he was in that movie then it will just made you realized how good his skill in acting is.

There's just one thing that will make you ask why? Maybe it's just me but I've heard a few of the viewers said why did his best friend have to die? (Oops sorry, spoiler.) And some ask why it should be that way? It seems they wanted it to be more tragic perhaps. But I'm okay with that yet I prefer if he didn't have to die. (Oh, crap am I the only one who always want a happy ending? I guess not.)

Now if you haven't watched Captain America: The Avenger yet I say don't sleep and miss this one that you may end up saying "I was supposed to have a date." 

Can't wait for The Avengers...


Some side notes. We were able to watch this movie on its opening day last Wednesday thanks to Camarines Sur Medical Society who had a raffle event tied with this movie. My sister's boyfriend is a Med Rep that's why we got our free tickets. And darn someone won a brand new car that very night, lucky, lucky individual but I guess I am too since I'm there enjoying a movie for free. I think that's good enough for a day's blessing right? But I think I still prefer if I can rewind or put it to slow-mo to be able to write down my fave lines and I can pause it so I can go to the restroom for I've eaten way too much salty popcorn and drunk too much water while lying down on a couch stretching my limbs. Yeah got it right better at home, less crowd, more freedom but how about the 3d eh?

But still "The best things in life are free" huh? I guess you can say that again just don't ask way too much lol.

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