Speckles n Spectrum

My Signature Look

my signature look by kris10na featuring a hinged bangle

It's Black Saturday and I have nothing to do so I decided to play mix and match my style at polyvore. (inspired by Maxabella)I chose the things that most resemble the existing stuff in my closet. I am eclectic so I find it difficult to actually choose from a lot of styles that I like but this one comes up as a favorite. Since I am also a plus size this set of clothing will be fine with me.

I'm always wearing flip-flops but Havaianas and Crocs aren't for me, my feet slips on them and breaks them so now I settle for something sturdy Manjaru, almost half the price and perfect for my sweaty (eew) feet. I prefer wedges but for this look I know pumps look better but I only wear them for special occasions and the last time I just realized I think I can't wear them anymore my feet's front were hurting because of my weight...aarrgh.

Uniqueness is a must for choosing my accessories but I only wear them on special occasions on a daily basis I only wear a bracelet that looks like that hinged bangle. It isn't really an accessory since it is a Quantum bracelet but it could pass like one.

For the large bag, you can only see me with a bag when I'll be on a trip or I have my laptop with me so I prefer it big. I need something that can accommodate all my stuff, mostly gadgets.

I am more into monochromatic, classic cuts and pieces and I love vintage stuff and I'm into boho and rocker chic looks too but simplicity and ease are my priorities in choosing stuff but style attract me first then I choose clothes or my fashion stuff with these guide questions in mind:

1. Does it fits me? Meaning, is it flattering my figure or won't make me look extra heavy because I don't need that I am already on that part of my weight so anything that's adding visual weight is a NO, NO.
2. Is it comfortable? Can I sit on it? Can I move freely and won't look like robotic?
3. Is it fashion forward? Can it still be wearable after a few years? It is a bonus for me if it is unique but I try to look for classic pieces something that won't go out of fashion even for years.
4. Wash and wear. I am lazy so obviously as much as possible I want clothes that aren't much of a hassle so something that doesn't need ironing or pressing.
5. Value. Is it affordable? I don't go for cheap. I want my stuff to last so quality is very important for me. I want something with quality but definitely affordable.

So how is your fashion sense? What's your style? And how do you actually choose your stuff?

Following The Footprints in The Sand

by kris10na ☮♥☺ Thoughts (3)

(photo credit)

I've known the story and become a believer ever since but my faith was put to a test.
I realized I am a weakling; a Judas at large and a Peter in disguise. The moment I’ve met my trials and failed it I pointed fingers on you. Accusing you of abandoning me like how the owner of the footprints had indicted to you. Like them I had walked with you and promised to join you in your journey come rain or shine but what have I done? In a sudden twist of fate I flicker like a wave to the safest shore at sight. Guess what? Yes, I was safe but not save. I have kissed you goodbye in the loudest crow of the rooster in my life and it blew me out.
History repeats itself… yes and no. I’ve learned my lessons, besides I know for a fact that the prints had faded away to kiss the heavens now.

"Banal na Aso, Santong Kabayo"

by kris10na ☮♥☺ Thoughts (10)

Lyrics | Yano - Banal Na Aso, Santong Kabayo

It's Holy Week and I don't know but "Banal na Aso, Santong Kabayo" is always the first song that comes to mind. From what's happening nowadays it seems this is the perfect theme song for Lenten Season.

It seems Lenten Season had been very different. People were all like treating it as a "vacacion grande", well, it is sort of but with all the hype about those fancy vacations they seem to forget the real essence and meaning of the occasion. This is supposed to be a week of reflection, of penitence, and of changing our ways but it seems it had turn out to be a great drinking spree.

Old traditions are still here. Good? Sure but not until you hear what's beyond the stories now of events. The church seemed to start turning our religion into a big money-making business. Just take a look with the Easter Angels. According to older generation Easter Angels were chosen because of their health. The more sickly the kid, the more they're picked to be part of that event because they said it cures them. It was like they are offering their kids to HIM and in turn HE blessed them with good health.

Now? If you don't have much money don't expect your child to be an Easter Angel. It seems it had become a privilege for the wealthy.

Pasyon. Passion of the Christ used to be a solemn prayer that are sung it is still is but people actually ask money from Government Officials for sponsorship. And in some areas it seem they're just making it an excuse for permission to conduct gambling events along with the reading... tsk.tsk.

What about those who let themselves crucified literally? Used to do it out of pure faith. Now? Purely fake. It seems some are doing it for the money. Foreign media had been paying these people for a scoop. (I've watched an exposé of this somewhere on TV, can't remember the exact channel but it was a full-length documentary about this issue.)

"Season of Seasonal Faith" according to one of my friends' fb status. Truly it is. Because after this week those who have been crucified in the cross, done bloody penitence, the ones who went "Visita Iglesia," most of them (I am not saying all) they're going back to their normal life. Some will attend Sunday mass regularly but just like in the song after the mass they will go on with their old self. Cursing people, hurting others, lying, stealing and all the bad things that you can think of.

I don't go to church now but I attend "Healing Mass" on TV. I don't consider myself religious now but I am very much spiritual. I still consider myself Catholic but not really hardcore. See I am supposed to give up internet for a week according to the Church's Lenten guide but I won't. I reflect everyday through my blog, this is my way of doing my faith. I pray and talk to HIM every moment I can and I don't think I really need to tell everyone about that. I am not like "Willie Revillame" I don't believe that I need to tell anyone whether I am a good person because for sure they'll know that on their own.

"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you're not."

---Margaret Thatcher.

I would like to use that quote changing powerful to being good or being holy or whatever that is. You don't declare it, you just accept it and go on with your life. It really doesn't matter whether people know or not it is what's in your heart and soul and my faith I believe is between me and my GOD.

And one reason too. I don't want to be a parasite with HIM and I am very much sorry that at the moment I am to my mother. Forgive me for that. I treat HIM like my best friend. I tell all and never leave anything behind, HE knows the unedited version of my life through my prayers and it's not because I know I can't hide anything from HIM anyways but because I wanted to and I trust HIM.

But I am still praying that one day my eagerness in attending mass in church will return soon. It has been my habit not to attend mass when I am disturb. It's like showing up to your best friend's house and all you can say while talking to her is "Okay" and then "pardon?" for your mind is wandering somewhere else, isn't insulting? It's never my habit to show up when all I can bring to the table are problems. They say Loneliness loves company but not me. I isolate myself when I only spell trouble for it make me more guilty drowning others into my pit, it's just isn't fair.

I believe that to be able to achieve true happiness, 10% will be prayer and 90% is all up to me. I'm working on it. I don't know but I feel ashamed to go to church and ask for material things, I think I'm the one who should take care of it and do the work not HIM. When it materializes I know and I've promised I'll definitely show up in HIS doorstep to celebrate with HIM and to thank HIM for all the guidance. But for now please EXCUSE me I have a life to live and I'm just ain't up for pretenses. I won't do it half-heartedly and never inside of a holy place. I'm maybe blogging during your "Walk of Faith" or maybe sleeping while you are all up early for the Easter Mass. So yes I am not HOLY during your HOLY week but my faith ain't SEASONAL either.

Kaibigan...

by kris10na ☮♥☺ Thoughts (3)

natuto ako saiyong lumaban
nasanay akong maging matatag sa buhay
makiramdam sa bulong ng hangin
magtampisaw sa buhos ng ulan

(photo credit)

naalala mo pa?

nakilasa ako sa pait ng iyong inumin
nakilanghap sa usok ng iyong paghinga
nakiiyak sa istorya ng nobela
nakitawa sa kababawan ng kalokohan
nakisigaw sa poot na pilit nililimot
nakihanap sa misteryong bumabalot

naalala mo pa ba?

sabay tayong tumikim at sumuka
sabay sumakit ang baga sa ubong di makaya
sabay natuyuan ng luha sa mga problema
sabay nagmanhid ang mga panga sa katatawa
sabay namaos sa pagmumura
sabay naupos sa paniniwala

pero…

bakit hindi mo ngayon masabi
sa akin ang katotohanan
ang katotohanang pilit mong itinatago
sa likod ng iyong katauhan

takot ka na rin ba?

noon sabi mo
wala akong dapat ikatakot
bakit ngayon
bumaliktad ang mundo ng ikot

isa na rin ba ako
sa mga taong iba sayo
sa tingin mo’y manghuhusga,
mandudura at magsasawa sa labo ng utak mo
magbabago ng dahil lang sa pagkakamali mo
bibitaw dahil lang iba ang paniniwala mo

nalampasan na natin ito
kailangan bang ulit-ulitin ko
iba ako sa mga taong nakilala mo
simple, wala mang kuwenta pero totoo
sasabayan ka anuman ang mundo mo
magmukha man akong ‘tadong gago

ano kaibigan ko
kumusta na ang buhay mo
totoo ba ang ngiti sa labi mo
bakit iba ang sinasabi ng mata mo?

Just Like That

by kris10na ☮♥☺ Thoughts (0)

I just joked about wishing for my quick death in my last post (Be Careful What You Wish...) and at the strike of midnight signaling the next day someone had what I'm wishing for what to be like my death and that someone is a bit popular, young and promising. Obviously everyone felt it was too early and what with all the talent and future endeavors and stardom waiting for this kid went all wasted just like that in a snap.

But who are we to question who's above all of us. We don't know all HIS mighty plans laid out for each one of us. But I won't be coy that I felt blaming HIM when the same had happened to two of my family members. Yes, TWO and the first loss was the hardest to accept. It was the only time I got angry to HIM. I felt betrayed for I've been serving HIM for all I can remember in my little way since I was a kid and I thought we're friends. I only have two best friends at that time. One He denied me of spending my life for the rest of my life and the other one who made it possible. So it means I lost both two just like that in a snap.

Then came second death in the family it came along with a two-week notice, 3 hospitals and boom! She was 21 years old, just graduated a year before this ending and had been working in her second government company. Everything was fine until one night she went home with blood gushing from her nose and then from her gums and we all went panicky and rush to emergency and the rest was history just like that in a snap.

And I'm still here. Honestly I've been wishing for that NO joke, I am ready for that. People might think I am morbid but I am not. I don't have much interest talking about ~~DEATH.~~ But when people will ask me about it I wouldn't further discuss but you'll get an answer "YES, I am always ready for it, whenever, wherever regardless of what I am doing (hmmm, on second thoughts PLEASE not when I'm in the bathroom☺), happy or sad even if it would mean right NOW. Sure I don't think I really have to finish this blog post, YES I am ready just like that in a snap.

Morbidity aside (but I am not morbid, right?) maybe the reason of all this is because I wanted a shortcut, everyone seems to be heading that way anyways so why not be there first while I'm still sane and sound. And I confess I'm a bit selfish when it comes to this. I don't want to be left out. I'm tired of crying after everyone who's leaving. By wishing to be first I am kind for I know I'm causing more harm than good with people I am with and leaving them will set them free from burden and I know they'll feel more blessed than grieve without me and I like that, I mean I don't want anyone to cry for me. I wanted everything easy and I hate drama. (I'm serious.) Well, I am not saying I am not happy with my life now, sure it isn't perfect but it isn't that worst either but I am just too settled on going to the next direction that's why I'm kinda hurrying it up. I'm wondering why it seems this wish is too hard for HIM to grant, what's with that huh? I actually had a wishlist for that big day written when I was in high school. (Darn, this had been long overdue. Ha ha)

People may say because you still have work to do in this lifetime. I believe that so but nevertheless I wanted to be up there. To be honest (Haven't I been honest for all the entries in this blog, that I have to consistently use the word HONEST for emphasis?) I live life one day at a time. I don't have long term goals now (I know eyebrows will raise) but I am practical as well. (I don't know how you will handle too much contradictories in my life but yes it is possible.) I've incorporated Buddhist core teachings in my life thus I've learned to live without drowning in wants and desires. But I do have a wishlist, a mixture of material things and immaterial things that I can count using just my hands fingers. All of those are all up to me but this SNAP thing I don't think I can decide for that. I've tried twice but without HIS blessings I only commit sins and ruin myself becoming more unworthy to be in HIS place so I will just leave all of that to HIM but I still wish just like that in a snap.

I would rather live my life believing there is a God and die to find out there isn't than live my life believing there isn't a God and die to find out there is.
- Unknown