Speckles n Spectrum

back to basics seemingly-banal adventures of an eclectic modern muser...

"Learning from the Past, Hopes for the Future, and a Life's Journey of making the most of what's at hand."

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I had a good sleep almost 9 hours of real pure sleep after being 24 hours up and I was thinking of lying in bed for a few more hours getting more time to rest for I haven't done that these past weeks but I suddenly realized I forgot to post an entry yesterday because I've been busy fixing my blog design and html got me all crazy. So if I lazied up and stayed in bed it would mean 2 days of no blog entry and I just happened to promise myself that I'm going to post everyday if it is possible. So yes I'm deciding to be steady, I think you might have thought this post is about me going steady with someone, well, NO... that someone still haven't crossed my way (that is if there's really someone out there for me) but YES, "Going Steady" is about being committed in a relationship. And this is the day I'm having "sandugo" (blood compact, not with the literal blood of course), a sealed promise and friendship with myself being consistent. 


I used to be fickle-minded and still is but I'm trying to become steady now. I'm learning that fickleness is a thing that is only for youngster when you're hitting mid-20s it's not cute anymore. I can't afford now to have enormous mood swings and inconsistencies in my life because it bites back and stings, not so generous on forgiving my mistakes. The consequences resulting to quick shifting of choices aren't kind. You go back and forth, forth and back, circling and circling while time is running out. 

‎"Learn to enjoy what you do; rather than do what you enjoy. It is not always possible to do things that one enjoys. But if you learn the art of joyful living, even seemingly boring chores can bring you joy."


I got that from a friend's fb stat, I was searching for the author but I can't find the original source. And I agree with that. I know most free-spirited souls like me committed this mistake. I realized now that being fickle will make it impossible for me to enjoy things at most even if I love those things. Repetition and familiarity make anything boring, people say practice makes perfect, I say yes but practice makes it dull too and perfection breeds more discomfort as you aim higher and higher wanting to surpass what you've achieve more and more one goal after another. It is a good point of view to become an achiever but anything too much is bad. It will make you greedy and ambitious (ambitious is good but superficial, materialistic and power-hungered isn't.)


Consistency, it is. I am aiming for it. I am grateful that I am doing what I enjoy but at the same time I am learning to enjoy what I do. This will come handy during days that I don't feel like working or doing these things. I hope to live by the art of joyful living and I think it can be described in one word: "ACCEPTANCE." Welcoming it into your life and doing the most out of it by being happy of what you have and it will result to "CONTENTMENT." And I've always been a fond of Buddhist mindfulness and being a cynic makes it easier for me. But being consistent has always been a problem, well I am consistent on being fickle so it still makes me a consistent person right? Haha. Kidding aside having a variety of interests makes it difficult for me to be that consistent. One day I love this, one day I don't, I like this, now I don't then the next day I like it again. One more reason why I can't seem to figure myself walking down the aisle or else it will be a chaotic marriage life I'm sure I'll be on for a ride and I don't want that. I'm old-fashion when it comes to that, a hopeless romantic, dreaming cinderella, hoping for happy ever-after with divorce as the last thing on my mind. I didn't say I'm dreaming for perfect, I just want simple, normal and I know for sure that it would be happy most of the time, if not all the time and that's where "contentment" comes in and I'm good at that but never in consistency.






Yesterday was "Araw ng Kagitingan" (Day of Valour) and heroism and bravery is one heritage I am most grateful for being part of this country. Despite of all the bad things, corruption and all that I am still proud being "Pinoy." Today becoming a hero will not require you to be in a bloody war or hike in a death march, it's simpler but most difficult since you have to fight your own-self. People will not make a monument in honor of you but little things like being a good person, being a real citizen of the world not just for your country makes everyone a hero. And I'm starting my little contribution on Consistency, I realized I have readers and on my 3rd day on my 1st week of this blog I'm hitting 98 unique views a day and I know I'm making a difference by simply being me, blogging about my truths and sharing my little learnings on my life's journey and I feel guilty for not being consistent on posting entries. I know it's poetry month but I think people like my ramblings rather than my poetry but I am getting old and starting to mature I don't know how many things I can think of writing under this category: Out-of-the-BOX because I'm starting to be just like all of them. I'm confuse do I have to be happy about this or feel more scared? I'm never good in being normal, I fit well in eccentricity.


Maybe you've heard these:

"If you can't beat them. Join them" 
 Jim Henson 


 "Any 20 year-old who isn't a liberal doesn't have a heart, and any 40 year-old who isn't a conservative doesn't have a brain."



I’m shallow for the deep,

I’m too deep for the shallow.

I sleep but never rest,

I eat but never really sure to digest.


I come to check what’s in my mind,

all I see is just a hollow ground.

You can’t be serious if you are dumb,

can’t be funny when you are numb.


I wear something tight

to know what’s right

and get loose

to forget what I have lost.


I crumble to pieces when I’m a mess

and pick it up when I’ve figured out the ways.

It’s always been like this

in the story of my days;


I jump out and scream

when I’m happy not just with ice creams,

I let out a sigh

when everything is all too high,


I cry and moan

when I can no longer hold on

but I can’t afford to lose hope

every time I get off the loop.


I’m going round and round,

circling my bound,

a usual incident

in my life’s natural stint.


(photo credit)
Reality bites?

It’s us who think and give its fangs.

It’s my mind that makes all the blur

It’s my heart that paralyzes the door.

It is I that’s making it work

It is I that can stop it short.


I don’t love to hate

I just love to think.

Don’t tell me, you’re still expecting to be cute

When you’re dealing with your thoughts?


I forget the world

when I’m traversing this fold.

I need to gather my strengths

to smoothen my lapses.

I got to have my wits

to defy my fits.


All I am is nothing but myself,

a fool standing up for her beliefs.

I talk to myself once in awhile

to check if I’m still alive.

Truth is, the sarcasm is all worthwhile

in knowing that I’m still alright.


I guess my insanity

wants to resign

but willing to show up

in case I need some back up.


We can’t be all too sane

to stay up in this jammin’

I hope this time we won’t fail,

Yeah, it’s a deal!

Another fun personality test I Stumbleupon...





Want to get your own results? click here.


April is National Poetry Month and Time is featuring Poets: The Second Chance - TIME.

I'm a bit busy doing some stuff so updating my blog seems a little difficult now but since it's Poetry month I decided to posts more poems and shut up for awhile on my ramblings though I've managed to dig in my treasure box or rather chaotic garbage room and I've found a lot of things that inspire me to blog and blog but getting random and gazillions of ideas is making it more impossible for me to write something sensible or even decent. IDEA-lin like adrenalin rush is bad for my mental health... haha. It gives me brilliant things but all turned into waste in the end because I can't just seem to pull it off and make them whole. So I'll be leaving this blog with one of my first poems describing myself as of that moment, this is a revise version. Long live the poets and sentimental fools... well, i just have to include the latter since I can classify more myself to that rather than being a poet :)

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I am...

I am a soul living in a mortal body
having a brain that is unsuperior to all
a face that is near ordinary
dark brown chocolate eyes that always give the window to my soul
the sometimes tactless lips but often guard my wholeness.

I am a mind that isn't always thinking
and a heart that is feeling numb.
Many a time I forget I've companions
I tend to live on my own
yet I still can't...

I am one independent soul,
still I am not yet.
I am one trying hard sentimental creep
while being a total insensitive.
I'm a hell of a weirdo
that I can't understand what I am
but I am trying to be.


(photo credit)
I drink too many the days before.
I drank myself each night so sure.
The days had gone like a careless breeze,
when all I know is enjoy all the space.
My lips are purple and all too simple
Bruised by the fun I’ve trampled upon
It lacks blood and I’ve made it look so bad,
leaving each stains of the fiery chains.
I stumble and vomit all the things I’ve poured in my sockets.
Twenty one years of fooling around left me all glad yet wounded.
I had enough of the things that made all the cravings
I stopped the chains and sprees, all with freewill.
What’s good about the things they say are bad?
It helps me shape the good things that I have
By showing the hideous in the other side
They made me realized what is essential for my part.
I had enough; I’ve played and live a life.
I’ve fooled around and mess a lot.
I even ruined myself to make a scratch
and made my list trim down for more certain acts.
Not everything is beautiful like not everything is forlorn;
Roses have thorns and flowers meet adversity to bloom.
If you’re the kind that wants undistorted piece of a whole that’s part a mess
I’d rather rest within the game than settle for a beautiful lame.
It’s like pouring tequila,
drinking ten consecutive shots of happiness
Enjoying its perfect taste like pasta,
not accepting that next is a day of dizziness.
You’re cursing the hang ups yet wanting another stirrup cup.
Loading yesterday, throwing up today;
Having fun today while hoping to learn someday;
Messing your way and clearing up comes payday.  


Spectrum by

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