Speckles n Spectrum

back to basics seemingly-banal adventures of an eclectic modern muser...

"Learning from the Past, Hopes for the Future, and a Life's Journey of making the most of what's at hand."


Honestly when I said in the last entry that I am fulfilled I meant it but being fulfilled doesn't mean not having problems, not being pissed and, all just happy things. You wouldn't know how much you love something if all it gives you is a feeling of high and being in cloud 9. As I've mentioned in one of my poems "flowers meet adversity to bloom." You can't be complete as a person if you haven't experienced misery. 

I realized I was indeed in love with my job. I was pissed yesterday and as a result I've eaten way too much than I can chew. Thank God I didn't vomit all of that. I don't want to share work stuff that much I believe it should be private and things aren't supposed to be discussed openly in such a blog like this. But I'd like to state that I wasn't angry at all I'm just disappointed because it seems the more effort I give, the more kindness I share it always ends up in the drain. 

But I find fulfillment in these things for I like to follow this:
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

Dr. Kent M. Keith

 I don't want to be bitter. I know I'm just getting started and it's too early for me to give up. It's hard to keep up with people with different perspectives for I cannot please everybody and I don't want to please everybody. I am not a machine, a robot that will bow with your every whims but I believe that I have a duty to accomplish, a vision to fill, and a mission to oneself that I needed to give my best shot.

My actions may be misinterpreted by others but I'm not forcing anyone to believe in all these stuff for as I've said I'm doing things for thyself, for my own fulfillment. I may be selfish at that but at least my dreams include others so that separates me to ordinary selfish lurking souls.

My cousin said "You cannot give anything that you don't have." I guess I have love, understanding, kindness, and a lot more inside me which is now overflowing and that which I'd like to share. It's just difficult to make some people realize how true it can be for right now in this world not too many have this kind of eagerness towards life.

For this I thank the one above me for giving me all the strength to face this head-on. It's difficult to stand up for yourself when it seems everyone is ganging up on you and were all like just waiting for you to trip, fall down, and commit one big mistake so they can bid you goodbye. But still I'll stand up and stay strong holding to my faith for there is nothing that can make me falter with the grace of protection bestowed upon me by thy savior.

From now on I say, "Life is what we make it." Having good faith is better than being bitter but it doesn't mean I'm just going to smile and let people trample upon me to the point that I'll lose my self-respect. I have too much patience but there is always that fine line that flashes a red light when you're already crossing the line or going overboard and I won't hesitate to claim that right and shout "foul." I can be nice (even way too nice in fact) but when my patience snaps never tell me that I didn't warn you. But don't worry there's still that little signage flashing over my head that says "be good anyway."

It's been a while since the last entry here, too many things had happened and it's overwhelming and amazing not even me can fathom the reality of life. How it can be all too cruel then the next day it seems it's cuddling you like a baby.

Just like that in a snap my life has changed like a jigsaw puzzle the pieces are falling into pieces. Truly "When it rains it pours." Who would've thought that within a week I'll have that fulfillment I was looking for for way too many years. It strange as it seems but I found it within the same road I was avoiding to take. But then I already knew even then that I wanted to teach but when I'm older and wiser, and no one is forcing me into it and it was surprising that I was ready by this time.

 "One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it. 
~ French Proverb"

It was really overwhelming. I know by the entries of this blog I can tell that they may assume I was all just making excuses for all those dumb things I've done. Well, I guess it's really hard for some to believe all of these bullshit. I too can't believe all of these myself haha. But here it is that chance for me to prove myself to thy own. I thought I'll never be able to walk this path, pessimistic much eh?

On the day of my birthday this blog got almost 500 visits and am not sure what exactly they are looking for in a stagnant blog, hibernating for a while? I guess something having more sense or exciting perhaps? Well, I really have no clue but here's what I got, I think some truth will do? Probably haha

I guess I was getting bored since I've experienced again the joy of going out this September I finally decided I wanted to work offline since I'm getting tired with online jobs that just come and go and some don't even pay. (Yes, I do work I'm a freelancer actually but some projects are confidential and the money isn't good enough so I just say I'm a parasite to my mum, that's the easiest excuse to avoid explaining haha =) And I've actually intended to be a parasite (makabalos balos lamang haha)

I'll recount the story of my job application here since it was really pretty overwhelming.

October 03, 2011
I wasn't able to get out of the house early because I needed to wait for the alkaline delivery. Probably it's 3pm when I finally reach the HR Office of a certain school here in Naga City. I was applying for the second semester as an English Instructor but she'd asked me if I'm willing to try to demo teach for Basic Culinary Arts. I've explained that I don't have much experience about it and I don't think I'm qualified but she insisted so to make the long story short I walk out of her office expecting for a callback ASAP. I never thought that I'll have the truest meaning of that word As Soon As Possible like Right Now... haha

Going home that day at around 8pm I was surprised to hear the news. My mum said someone called around 5pm and said that I needed to demo teach sharp at 8am the next day. Whoa!

How can you actually do all of that within 12 hours time frame? I was down to start with because my mum kept on trash talking me again. Like "Why did you apply for Culinary? You don't know anything about that? What are you going to teach? You don't have the capability for that? Blah, blah, blah."

Sweet. Like just what I needed frak.

There you go. I'm frakking doing what she wanted, applied for a teaching job and now? Whatever.

To rub it in, adding insult to injury I still asked her if she has some lesson plan samples. As usual blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, the last time I've done a lesson plan was 2006 and the last time I talked in straight English in front of a crowd was 2008, probably (thank God to the nosebleed September that I was able to practice my English haha) . Reviewing what I've used for the demo I wasn't able to include the reference for it and also for the powerpoint presentation, my bad. Well, college don't use lesson plans but for demos you ought to have one.

With my mother on the side telling shitty things... if I were my old self I'll probably just give up, spend 3 days utmost mending my bruised ego until I show up to the world again. But I'm renewed and it comes as a surprised to have all that confidence and courage still intact during that day. 2011 is really amazing, I'm all fix.

When she says "You can't do it." I scream on top of my head "I can and I will, just watch me."
When she says "You're ugly." I dress up, fix myself and get all dolled-up to make her realize she needed to upgrade her glasses.

Well I guess, she had realized it already because for these past few weeks she kept staring at me like I'm a different person. Given the fact she was hiding and locked all her bags, jewelries and threatening to lock her room if I used her shoes again. Choosing for them to rut and wither and get old and dusty rather than just let me use it. As if those are the only things that can make a person pretty, silly.

When she says "You're lazy." Only for you. Exactly. (makabalos balos man lamang haha)

Here's our equation:

0% effort + 100% bumming = 100% trash talk
99% deed - 1% mistake = [100 % trash talk]2

I know you get it, there's something freaking wrong with the equation. Life's like that =)

October 04, 2011
8am: Demo day
I thought they'll never let me in since I don't have all the requirements to teach the subject.
8pm: Went home again and I told my mum that the demo was fine but I need some TESDA qualifying exams to get hired and she was like "sabi ko na, sabi ko na." Then said they texted her and I was supposed to report at 3pm that day to complete the hiring process if ever I'm willing to accept the job offer.

It was crazy then my mum started trash talking again as if it will still work. From that day on I knew she no longer controls me. I can't be sabotaged by her pessimistic views, not that day, not today, not ever.

I remember one of my college professors told me that I am "lazy but brilliant." I beg to differ the truth is it should be "disturb but brilliant." Oh well, it wasn't the lazy part that's bothering me, twas the brilliant part. I'm just fine, good may be, whatever.

October 05, 2011
8am: I'm hired... wee
4pm: First laboratory class and the rest is history =)

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.  
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's October already and I only got 2 entries last September. I kinda decided to slack on the blogging and switch on my extroverted side even just for a month. (I'll post something about that some other day.)

I know I needed to catch up with this blog since it's getting stagnant. First Sunday of the month and it means recipe time. I just made this yesterday. I decided to write the recipe now since it's still fresh on my mind since I'm already having trouble remembering the ingredients and procedure for all the other recipes I made for the past months, amnesia or dementia or whatever it is but am pretty sure it's because of aging haha.

Spectrum Vegan Pasta (Spicy Herbs & Mushrooms Vegan Pasta)

Extra Virgin Olive Oil
red onion
black pepper
thyme (leaves)
rosemary (whole)
oregano (whole)
200 g spicy tomato & cream gourmet sauce
175 g spaghetti pasta Italiana noodles

How to mess it up:

1. Cook the noodles according to package instructions.
2. In a heated pan pour in just a little amount of Extra Virgin Olive Oil.
3. Let the garlic turn golden brown then add the onion. 
4. Toss in the sliced mushrooms. (For non-vegans you can actually add some butter to add flavor and then some parmesan cheese.)
5. Season with pepper and salt.
6. Add the spicy gourmet sauce.
7. Pour the sauce to the noodles and add the herbs on top.

*For this particular recipe I used the 20 peso Merienda Pack of Del Monte which can make up to 4 servings which makes it more affordable instead of linguine. 

* This is a vegan recipe that's why there's no dairy or animal products used like butter, tuna, cheese, or milk. 

* The sauce isn't really spicy which is a bit disappointing for me. If you want to spice it up one-notch some hot sauce or Tabasco will do.

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