Speckles n Spectrum

back to basics seemingly-banal adventures of an eclectic modern muser...

"Learning from the Past, Hopes for the Future, and a Life's Journey of making the most of what's at hand."



My story is about a girl who doesn’t give a fiddler’s fart in the world. She lives the way she wanted, free, stone-hearted, dark. Yet she has this weakness which makes her vulnerable from time to time… her heart.
I’ve known her like a tough guy. Invincible, never unmasked, a warrior with her shield on 24/7. I think, but I was wrong.
I first saw her humanness when I became more involved in her life. She is weak with her little brother, the love of her life. You’ll see her instant transformation whenever she’s with him. A plebe turned into a child, then into a mother-like sister.
Tis one glorious wonder of the heart.
With our friendship, I discover a lot about her. She’s human, kind, caring, loyal, and more. She’s not selfish but still she’s dark for she’s willing to kill anyone who will make us cry.
Her ultimate dream is to become an assassin for her to get her revenge. It’s scary but that's how she is, and we accepted her for being like that. You might say she’s bad then she’ll just tell you EU MAN TALAGA!
Yeah, I said she’s really tough and all but I was shocked the day when I made her cry. I never meant to be that harsh, swear, but it had hit her big time. It was the day when one of our friends and I said goodbye. I said it might be the last time I’ll ever spend time with the barkada for now, so it wasn’t really a goodbye but I made her cry. I said sorry then she replied MAU NAKULUGAN MO NA AKO. Then half of her shield was on.
Then I see her reality. She’s tough but she’s not. She wears a mask of toughness to hide her bruises just like my aloofness. It was all a shield of a weary soul. The so-called defense mechanism to avoid being hurt and yet because we’re human and all, we still get hurt because no matter what we do in our path, chances are high in the chart of probability that we shall meet something or someone who’ll make us vulnerable. We’re not talking about strengths or wits for fate has its own phase of letting us experience the reality of life. Then we learn something. Then we cry some more.
My friend is becoming more and more human. You see, she fell in love, I thought she’s tough but I was wrong again. A feminist by heart, she knows what she wants then she always goes for it. All she wanted is to let Ivan know how she feels then she’ll be gone but the guy misinterpreted her. And to make the short story of her move a little shorter, they had their relationship. She loved the guy even though she never really wanted the commitment. She stood beside him expressing her affection without waiting for a necessary response and it never really came. After a century minus a century, she learned from a friend that she’s already single and that was it.
She had laughed and laughed. Then she laughed some more. I know that was my friend laughing. She wasn’t hurt said her brain. It was her ego. Then she spent all her money for a load and called ivan. My, my, my feminist friend. She asked him BREAK NA DAA KITA? KASUARIN PA? TANO DAE KO ARAM?
Don’t ask me for the lines of the guy for I didn’t know and I don’t want to know. All she said after the call was “I JUST CAME FROM A HEART BREAKING AND LIFE WRENCHING BREAK UP OF MY LIFE! And she laughed some more, telling everyone she met over and over about this one liner. Using it as an excuse for us to follow whatever she wanted to do with us. Then she laughed some more again.
We ate and ate. Then we ate some more. Is she broken hearted? I’m not sure because we all have this horrible appetite on a usual day. Then after a week while we are chatting at the stairs of Xavier, I found her crying while trying to laugh with our corny jokes. And I know the ego had landed, even stones melt and when they do they cry.
She said she was over him but they’re still texting. They’re friends, you know. Then one night, thanks to the exceptional above average IQ of one of our friends who happened to be distracted by her own romantic dealings, Ivan received a message that said GARO BAGA KASTA SI IVAN. At least, this time he had responded as fast as he could by texting KASTA NA KUNG KASTA!
In the morning we had a one liner blast… KASTA NA KUNG KASTA! And we laughed some more. There’s nothing to cry about she’s over him anyway. (?)
Days passed and my friend was over him. Then she wanted to learn how to get drunk (?). She said for fun, ah okay. And we all started drinking that night. After two or three shots she was kicked by the horse and started spilling out her heart. Lines were said and the most outstanding of all “DAMN YOU, I STILL LOVE YOU.”  And there goes the metal combusted pouring out the container and taking the shape of a broken heart.
The day after, she’s over him once again. Then she wanted to drink.
(photo credit)

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