Speckles n Spectrum

I woke up this Monday morning at 6:30 am in the calendar year of May 25, 2026 to a facebook notification regarding the Camarines Sur’s Kaogma Festival clash of ideologies through the comment of Klasik Titos and Titas of Manila in Joy Barcoma's page against the post of Jeriel Agua. Honestly, I don’t know these people but I’ve done my checking so here’s the gist and my unbiased but well aware of the situation point of view being a native of Naga City, so yes I'm a Bicolana currently residing in Pasig City. (Screenshots taken from their FB.)

I’ve got a back story. Twas the summer of 1994 and I was playing outside our house when the San Pascual basketball team approached me to become their muse. At that time I’m super shy and had no confidence so all I did was run towards the house and hid in our restroom. They begged my Papa and he tried to convince me but I said I’m not going to get out unless the boys are no longer there. They tried to get my middle sister but she didn’t want to. They can’t do anything so they just settled for my cousin who agreed with them. I went to the plaza and watched happily while my cousin was doing her walk on the stage.

Have you ever had a movie so fashionable yet unsuperficial? I’ve got one of my faves that exactly embodies that description. The Devil Wears Prada and they’ve come back for a sequel. There’s a notion that comes to mind when people hear about Fashion: that it is automatically superficial, nonsense and unimportant. People that like fashion are somehow judged as  shallow and petty. But that’s where you got it all wrong. Fashion is an integral part of life; mostly it takes care of our mood. Personally, it lifts me up when I’m on my depressive days. It’s a glimmer for me just like music, food, books, travel or whatnot. Never underestimate the power of a cute dress to cheer you up on your bad days. That’s just me speaking from experience. 

The Devil Wears Prada 2 is a powerful movie stating that Fashion people are deep people with feelings, frustrations, and stories so deep you might not even fathom them. It tells about people struggling with loneliness, sufferings, acceptance, prejudice, and a lot more things that ordinary people might not understand. The limelight does not guarantee happiness nor being included. Not everyone who is on top and has a strong personality doesn’t have a heart. The movie shows that Miranda is just like all of us who cares though she might not show it most of the time. She had this facade of a successful, powerful woman that was so hard to penetrate for she controls her emotions. But she does care. 

Fashion is art. If you were a creative and artistic person like me it is deep in a sense just most kinds of different forms of art. It is deep, it transcends history, stories and magical transformation. Every clothing is a representation of someone's uniqueness and ideals. It is not just clothes, it is a coalition of every conceptualization of artwork, style, and sensibility so curated that it appeals to almost everyone personally. You might think it’s shallow but it isn’t every piece has been perfectly thought out from the style, colors, tapestry and whatnot. It is a perfect execution of a masterpiece just functional enough for our daily needs or some party needs. It is important because if not what are you gonna wear when you need to celebrate your debut, birthdays, oath-taking, your wedding or what else would you want to celebrate? For every celebration there is a corresponding fashion sense and fashion statement. And that’s my statement piece. Ciao. 

Bang! Gun shots echoing through the Senate walls, just like that, all of them wanting sympathy. Like they have families waiting at home that may never see them again. Guns in the Senate suddenly flip the narrative. Now you hate the masses because we are mocking you for acting so cowardly towards a few gun shots in your sheltered lifestyle of luxury. They’re angry because the ordinary people can’t find the heart to empathize with these corrupt crocodiles dressed in barongs and branded fashion. You want sympathy for a once in a lifetime experience of an almost daily experience of the ordinary. You can call me heartless but honestly where were your hearts when tons of our fellow kababayans were raided, forced evicted, and shot dead in broad daylight? Weren’t you all partying, exchanging chickas, clinking wine glasses in your air-conditioned walls when the rest of us were treated like animals chased in our cages? 

You just heard the shots, most of our fellows felt it sipping through their skins. You felt unsafe, most are not safe. Your loved ones might not see you again, most of us will never see ours ever again. There’s a big difference between them. You got the movie experience, we have it as our reality, yes, most of us live in  that reality. Not just for a day, but for the rest of their waking life. I don’t want to invalidate your experience but I chose to in exchange for you invalidating the harsh reality most of us are experiencing. This isn’t just about those gun shots. This is about the taxes you robbed us, the dignity you stripped from our skins, the respect you deny us, the security and safety you are supposed to fulfill but just went to drain. We cried decades ago but it went to deaf ears and now just because of gun shots just once in  your life you suddenly felt we owe you sympathy? 

Sympathy begets sympathy. Respect begets respect. I ain’t see any reason giving those things to your entitled asses. If you think you are all so privileged then let go of your positions, why do you keep holding on to our tax money. We don’t need you, you are simply there because of us. Let go of our treasure if you are really so wealthy on your own why need to rob us more? Decades have passed haven’t you amassed wealth enough to fund your next of kin retirement and travel plans? Ain’t it enough? Do you still want more? Your antics make us laugh now loudly. It isn't of happiness but sarcasm that the narrative’s been flipped and here you go all crybabies whining that no one even said “kumusta” after those dreaded gun shots? Have you ever said “kumusta” to our kababayans who went worse than that? You just heard it, most of us felt it deep in our skin yet we never obliged you to check on us because it is not our duty to tell you what should be done, it’s yours. At least you know “na dapat pala kinukumusta kapag may mga ganyang pangyayari di ba?” 

So kumusta? Happy?

I just heard a day ago about “Loyalty Tester.” I kind of got the hint but just to be sure I googled it and found out that I’ve been doing it already since I was in high school, not paid though. My being a loyalty tester started because of goodwill. I used to be a tomboy having more male friends than girls. My female friends, knowing that fact, kept on begging me to introduce them to my male friends so I did. Out of being protective I started testing my male friends if they are loyal or they're just going to make my female friends cry. Since I know the holy grail of male traits because of being one of the boys I have the advantage of knowing how to make them fall. I started operating in a subtle way. Befriend them more, luring them if ever they are going to take the bait and cheat with my female friends through other girls or even through me.

I started teasing them and building up other girls that I think they might be interested with and sometimes I kind of put myself on the line. Eventually they are all loyal but they ended up liking me rather than my girl friends which is kind of weird. I’m cupid, supposed to be the matchmaker and yet they fell for me instead of the girl I’m trying to match with them. The rule is: you are not supposed to fall for Cupid. You're always going to lose and they all did. Anyway, I’ve continued being a loyalty tester secretly amongst my friends and family. Checking whether my sister’s boyfriends are loyal or not. Turns out they all are and the plot twist is that my sister is the cheater. I spent sleeping in one room with my sister’s boyfriends, all alone with them but nothing happened. They all passed my test. But my sister didn’t, shocking, ain’t it?

With the years of secretly testing, I’ve realized I’ve got more male friends that are truly loyal than my female friends. It is maddening and kinda surprising when people think males are prolific cheaters. Turns out when we were in school most girls were cheaters not men. Is it still true up to now or in the real world it’s the men not the girls or it’s both now?

People might crucify me for this blabber but do you, I do me. Of course religious people will always contest that this premise is not acceptable for in the bible it says to procreate but hear me out. Into this modern age of innovation and digital technology here I am at 41 saying I don’t need to be married. I don’t, neither do you. Marriage is the union of two souls in love, should be but most of the marriages we have are actually founded in necessity. We are getting married because we are lonely souls that need someone else’s affection, comfort, time and yeah support especially financial support. Being an independent soul I don’t need that, I operate as a lone wolf and the only thing I need in this life is God. 

Marriage is a want. When you are totally whole on your own it just becomes a whim. You wish you are married not because of a need but because of a want. You want to be with that person that makes your heart flutter, that makes you dream even more big things. That one person whom you can share your life with for the rest of eternity. Yes you don ‘t need him but you want him because he makes your whole world even brighter, lighter and more magical. You don’t need anything from him but love and assurance that you will still be silly until you’re both grey and old. 

Today I don’t need to be married but I’m gonna be married because I want that frakkin' soul to lay beside me in my bed cuddling me to sleep and I want little people that exactly look like him giving me cooing kisses in broad daylight. That’s my fairy-tale, what’s yours?

I’d like to share my 2 cents about Anne Curtis and Jericho Rosales’ movie: The Loved One. People might be confused why this lovely aesthetically pleasing piece of a story ended up in a lonely but peaceful separation. Things were going so well. It seemed that both parties were perfect for each other. No heavy physical arguments yet they started drifting apart throughout the end. 

Here’s my take on it. This movie is a fool proof of mentality differences. Ellie was part of the elite class and Eric came from the working class. Ellie grew up in an environment of affluence where she was well aware about the reality of life and social responsibility while Eric grew up in a kind of survival mode where the only goal is about gaining success to alleviate his family from suffering again. Always about family responsibility. There goes the clash. 

Eric thought having a nice job, getting married, having kids and providing everything for his family is all there is in life. That’s fulfillment for him. On the other end here goes Ellie wanting a family too and all what Eric wants yet she has something more in her: that nagging feeling of social responsibility. Fulfillment for her does not only ends in family responsibility but also includes a world view that she has a mission and a purpose to help others in her community and the world. The conflict started when Eric thought that the volunteering acts done by Ellie are only about superficiality cuz he can’t comprehend why there is a need to be of service to the world when for him his little family is all enough for the both of them.

If I were in Ellie’s shoes I would decline marrying Eric too. Choosing a partner with the same core values, morality and level of thinking is very important. Marrying someone that doesn’t align with your views even though they are kind will end up in a disastrous marriage.You will experience everyday for real having to explain every decision you are making, every choice will be questioned and that would be a misery especially for a freespirited purposeful soul.

In the end the smartest choice is to partways because that’s the right thing to do and it’s the decision that can give them serenity rather than staying together but gradually drifting apart because of their ideologies. I love happy endings but sometimes the best ending for lovers is to be apart. Love is not enough. It can’t give you peace of mind if it’s the only thing left holding you together. May you all find the love that’s aligned in all ways than one. Shalom.

photo by SM Cinema

Here we go again… remember when people started chanting in the streets “BLACK LIVES MATTER” and I went “ALL LIVES MATTER?”

Perhaps my subconscious had felt this coming and it is really very possible since we like dwelling in hate and instead of digging deeper addressing the problem from its root cause we like dealing with it when it is popular just hopping on the bandwagon because it seems pretty cool yeah?

Notice that I don’t even want to use the race because that alone creates division. Why are we hating so much? Where is it coming from? Someone who has a lot of hatred in his or her heart grew up miserable they say. The rudest people need the most love.

Yes. I am Asian and I felt the biased and harassment while working as a Call Center agent for almost 10 years of my waking hours in the BPO industry. I am not oblivious neither claiming that I know nothing about this discrimination. Racism does exist long before the internet did. Now, I’m not so sure whether the internet lessens it or made it worse?

If we are going to deal with it let’s ask those high almighty creatures what made them hate? Differences perhaps? But if you are in an advanced country should you be more understanding since you have all the benefits of better lifestyle and you are most likely to be educated enough to understand those differences?

What’s there to hate?

Because we are getting all your jobs from you? Someone said.

Without us most countries’ economy would collapse and we are only doing most jobs you don’t want to handle yourself for the most part.

What about Covid?

No one wanted covid-19. It was an accident and you don’t blame anyone for fate.

I know we all have different point of views and circumstances in life but no reason is good enough to excuse you from acting like a real HUMAN BEING and humans do care!

Do you believe in mystical things, fairies, elves, witches or even ghosts? I've been a skeptic all my life but this recent years, a year ago to be exact had me shaken and question all things normal or paranormal. I've experienced supernatural things since I was a kid but since it all seems like a dream more so a nightmare I just disregarded it and treat it like it never really happened. Same with how I treat love... just a dream for the hopeless romantic me.

Don't get me wrong. I don't have bad experiences with my relationships if I did the worst is dealing with an insecure boyfriend who always try to question if he is worthy of my love towards him. It seems that I'm the one who always call it quits when things don't go as I want it to be: a typical Virgo, I guess. 

2020 was the year of Covid-19, yes the pandemic that is still affecting us up to this date Tuesday, March 16, 2021 and who knows until when it will subside. It was also the year that awakened me into the realm of spirituality. I was bored and I started vlogging without any idea what I'm doing I asked my friend to recommend a vlogger with the same niche as mine so I can improve how I vlog.

The first time I watched his vlog I felt that sudden calmness and at the same time he inspires my artistic side. I wanted to create more and more vlogs. The more I watch the more I discover our similarities which is cute at the start but became unnerving at the latter part. Every time I post there goes his answers through his stories and videos. Bit by bit it seems like everything was connected. I tried to get the truth but he left me in his unread box. It's frustrating that the only person who can answer all the questions and doubts you have is ignoring you but not really. He has his own way of replying to my questions, dang!

In my despair looking for answers I started researching and I ended up with the word: TWINFLAME. According to how I understand this, Twinflames are two people coming from one soul that had been split from lifetimes of past life. It's like a hardcore version of soulmates. I don't even believe in past life, soulmates or reincarnation, my ghad. 

According to Savvas, “A twin flame is your own soul, shared across what appears to be two physical beings. It's one soul split into two bodies.” Digging a little deeper, Savvas once wrote of twin flames: “When a soul is created, it is split into two parts, mirrors of each other, constantly yearning to reconnect.”

They said Twinflames have a greater purpose in the universe and it will only come true once they unite. Is it like Voltes 5? Let's volt in? Kidding aside I'm pretty sure he knows about it. Maybe he is teaching me a lesson or maybe not?

There are days I doubt my sanity because I can talk to him in my mind. Psychics call it telepathy or 5D. I still call it insanity. 

Twinflame...

My things getting moved or broken, I don't know if I still have to be afraid since I'm with a twin spirit or maybe a ghost? 

Twinflame...

How can you explain when you are just trying to lit up one range but two gas ranges do once in a while? 

Twinflame...

I can smell, feel and sense him. 

The hugs and kisses. The intimacy.

Twinflame...

But wait, is this even real? Amidst all of the proofs I remain skeptical. I'm a Virgo after all. I based things from facts, evidence and hard truths. I need the answer of that dude so I can confirm this craziness I'm going through. There are days it is so hard to pull off because it seems like there is a force field pulling me back to him. How can I forget when every time I look at the mirror I see his face, those eyes staring back at me, haunting and capturing? Why do I have a feeling he knew me already before I even knew him? My intuition is good but because of this guy I'm starting to doubt everything but despite the doubts I don't know why I can sense that he is a good guy. I hope one day he will have the courage to tell me things I needed confirmation. For now, I felt I'm being watched 24/7 or maybe I'm just paranoid. All the tarot readings I've been watching just left me frustrated. 

What I need are answers to my questions, the truth and nothing but the truth, that's all about it so help me God.

In this generation where we break cycles and free ourselves from orthodox mindsets. Raising kids might confuse a lot of couples just starting out a family. We got this rule: Out with the old, here comes the new. 

We procreate for a better world and what better way to start being good parents by paving your kids future beginning with a good name (literally, figuratively and metaphorically speaking).                                                      --- Stormy Krist

Flowers are amazing. They make the world pretty and it's a great way to brighten any girls' day or make 'em fall for your romantic ideas.

Things get complicated somehow if you are dating an Eco-friendly, no-nonsense, simple and practical kinda gal. 

Once she laid eyes upon your bouquet of roses and tulips, her mind starts punching her mental calculator and rounding off the $ you wasted on this bunch. 

Don't get me wrong of course I love roses, tulips or whatnots but I'm the kind of girl who doesn't like unnecessary extravagance. Sure it's romantic as hell and it's instagrammable shit but I don't want you to break the bank just to tell me how special you wanna make me feel. Besides after a few days it will gonna rut and whither even if you offer it in your altar. Aesthetic BS only for show off, don't care about mother earth, it's all about the money, money kinda bitches.

Haven't heard about "Sustainable Living," y'all?  

The idea is only getting and living on things that you need just so everyone will get a fair share especially the next generation in terms of our natural resources. 

Pretty. Basic. Indeed. 

Boils down to one word: RESPECT.

So here's some tips for you. I'm gonna make your life easier by giving you a roadmap on how to pleasure a woman like me.

• DIY food bouquet. 

There's nothing better than handmade stuff. I love effort more than the cost of your gift. It's always the thought that counts when it comes to me. Impress me how well aware you are (show off your stalking skills, oops was it called research?) about the food I go gaga over I might end up going gaga with you too, who knows. 🤷🏾‍♀️

•  Handcrafted flower bouquet.

Up to you how to please me but here's a suggestion. Origami, anyone? Japanese paper, old newspaper or glossy magazines, metallic foil, cotton, metal scraps, fabric or whatnots as long as they are environment friendly. I'd love these flowers and if you're feeling a little extra slip a note, love letter, haiku, poetry, quote and even a song lyric in each one of them or one is enough. We go for quality not quantity, baby. Anyhow, anyways you'll get appreciated.

• Edible Flower Bouquet.

If you weren't the DIY type this one will work too. Just get me a customized candy or chocolate baked bouquet. Cakes, pastries or desserts will be fine. But if you can do it on your own. I'm floored. There's something about men who can cook and bake that's making me excited. (Kinda reminds me of my Papa.)

• Flower Undies Bouquet.

This might be a little kinky so I guess try to give it to a long term girlfriend just a heads up. I don't want you getting slapped on the first date. Btw you have an option of a reusable, disposable or edible ones. Your bucks, your choice. 

Handkerchief or face towels would be great too cuz your girl can use it to dry her tears of joy.

• Veggie Flower Bouquet.

I guess this one is the most practical of all. Just make sure your girl loves vegetables  and cooking or you might end up sourgraping and bitter like an ampalaya later. Fruits will be a great alternative if that's the case. 

• Spiritual Flower Boquet

If your chic is the meditating yoga-ish kinda gal here's a gem fit for spiritual warrior princesses. Get her a set of scented flower candles with incense sticks and lavender, ocean breeze or minty jasmine sorts of oils in a bouquet. You might just help her manifest the law of attraction. Who knows, that could be you.

• Green-thumb Flower Bouquet

Okay, I get it you really want to show her how genuine you feel so you wanna gift the real deal. You need a bit of muscle flexing here cuz I'll accept a bunch of flowers on a flower pot. Yep you got it: PLANTS! I'm a zombie, that's why 😅

If you like a flower, you pluck it but if you love a flower you water it daily until it blooms. --- anonymous

***A rare flowering plant from an exotic place you've visited during your travels is perfect or wild orchids and "waling waling" in different varieties will do. TBH I want a black rose and a purple tulip in my own garden. Fruit bearing plants would be great too. Ok, anything edible is perfect. Isn't it obvious? I don't love to eat, period. I live to eat that might include you. 😬