Speckles n Spectrum

back to basics seemingly-banal adventures of an eclectic modern muser...

"Learning from the Past, Hopes for the Future, and a Life's Journey of making the most of what's at hand."

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Nowadays, I wake up and sit infront of the mirror, take a look at my reflection and whoah I just wanted to exclaim is that why it is called "vanity mirror?" 



I keep looking... glaring and staring 
at the girl I thought I'll never get to meet.




I've seen her before... 
she creeps in my dreams, 
making me up 'til dawn 
thinking about the things 
she whispers in my heart 
that I'm too scared to feel
cuz of all my doubts and fears.




Now I got to tease her 
cuz we are finally at peace.




But sometimes I still think she's lying, giving me exaggerated optimism... 
that's just sometimes.




Like this time: if you haven't noticed 
my mirror presented my reflection 
like it's a painting: a masterpiece
 looking like a work of art 
but nothing really feels 
like anything real nor right.



Now tell me...

Mirror, mirror on the wall 
who's the biggest liar amongst y'all?
 My reflection's kinda tricking me 
or my brain's just too slow to cope up and accept reality that's why 
it's kinda making me think 
everything is just a trickery much worse 
might be some kinda sorcery. 

Wait, am I the evil queen 
or hmmm nevermind... hush. 🤫
You gotta bend or this needs to end.
Welcome to the boulevard 
of stained glass dreams.
Where prayers won't work 
unless you do!



I was three... I started weaving pieces of reality. Trying to make sense of things I know nothing about.




T'was my fifth year on earth I picked up that little charcoal wood and started making sticks out of lines and shapes that mesmerize me so much I didn't know when to stop.

10th year of being, my imagination wanted to run wilder and wilder. My colouring books and artworks no longer suffice. I need to let this whole river of words and ideologies flow thus before it explodes my ink ebb even in the silence of twilight.




Another year, another set of medium. From charcoal to crayons to craypas to oil pastels in bonds and feltpapers now, I've got acryllic and oil in canvas, crosstitch in frames and a brain that's plastered more so ever.




Everyone thought I'll never grow up. Always the kid that can never be tamed. Stubborn as hell even the devil would surrender.

I did grow up but the kid in me will always stay no matter what like a hungover it kinda makes me wanna climb a hill and jump off some falls I will never forget nor regret. The kiddo resides within my core treating everyone she meets with genuiness and every obstacle as another adventure yet to embrace. 




Life is an artwork, a masterpiece I'm weaving, writing, singing, dancing, painting, snapping, capturing, expressing and whatnot. 

Now, we live in dreams of mallows and blushes over magical creations like you and me and the world we dwell in and the paradise we are about to create. 




Miracles do exist, don't look further... it all starts deep within your heart. Let's volt in to make wonders happen. We dream then create our reality and the kid in me will continue to play so come play with me. 😜




















Bonjour!

Today I decided I had enough and wanted to retaliate to everyone who did me wrong  so here's my vengeance in black and white cuz I want my retribution in print.

Papu please open the hearts of the "CCTv in the Philippines" for appreciation. Let them see the light of gratefulness. Teach them to be thankful for all the stuff: big, small or anything in between.

So thankful that the only time they check the plate of their neighbors is to see if they still have enough and not to compare that they have more than what the others have.





So thankful that they celebrate each and everyday like a holiday by taking pictures of things they love be it food, travel, relationships, family, etc. and not just resort to the old habits that they take pictures when someone has a birthday or celebrating a special occasion. Let them realize that a food on their table, a roof on their head, a new breath everyday is reason enough for a celebration.

So thankful that they will be so busy appreciating all their own blessings that they don't have time to talk ill about anyone for gratefulness only means happiness and when you are happy you have happy thoughts and that's what you will share which is contagious so be a happy pill!

P.S. When someone asks: Says who?


ME! I am a nobody
but my name is Kristina
an advocate of values
in the 21st Century.


Teach your kids the value of appreciation and gratefulness especially for small things to make them happier adults because if not they will seek for more and more: money, position, etc. and will never feel blessed.

Think about this: It is not how much....




... it is how well you accept things and how grateful you are for whatever.

May peace and love reign in all of humanity.

Gracias 🌬💜





Roses aren't red even violets aren't blue.
They become a different colour 
depends on how I want them to.



In a good day they are 
shades of pinks and mauves.


When the seasons change 
or the moods kinda switch 
my roses turn into a cold winter snow.



Kinda waiting at the window for y'all
 to bloom and make me mellow.


Might be blurry but I guess 
that's how we always do.


I thought you can stay while 
I'm having  a cup of tea...


...but I suddenly remember 
there is nothing infinite
about anything we could ever be.



We wander and wonder...


... still there is nothing.



Well, nothing is perfect 
and WE are NOTHING...
so now, does it make us PERFECT?











A good day shouldn't be wasted in disappointments just because people are messing up with you. I've got the sunniest disposition that jives with the weather and there goes my pictures... just perfect!


Edgy outside, Mallows inside.


I'm a one-man team. I fly solo.

Watcha lookin' at?


Which foto is your fave?
This one for me is 💜


The sun and I vibe so very much! 
Rain puhleez don't get jealous. 😜




I 💜 the sun as much as I 💜 the rain because the sun makes me look good in my golden olive skin while the rain makes me feel good in every way it can thus both make a pretty woman 
inside and out of ME!



The sun🌞 makes me hot 
while the rain🌧 makes me cool!



Life is a little shitty but if you learned the art of BS you can make an art even a masterpiece out of that frakkin shit!



I am the captain of my ship you can't auto-pilot a bird that is old skool yet advanced in more ways than y'all know.



Color me blind. 
Ain't my colours vivid 
enough for you to see?


Y'all know that I'm fluent in sarcasm and for the benefit of those who always say that I should stop self-deprecating I oblige to explain further the title of this post. In layman's term it means that I'm good in peptalk, motivating and empowering myself even in the worst of situation. Are we all good now?

That's all folks. 
Hope y'all have a great day I did. 
Merci 🌬💜



Ik I said on my last FB post that I will cancel all my social media accounts and I did but I still need an outlet so I'm back where I started: blogging.


I guess it is better this way since the people who will visit this blog are those who are really interested about things I post and I don't need to shove to people's faces a.k.a. their newsfeed my eccentricities.

Let me clear things up. I gave up the social media accounts because I'm getting tired of idk who, who are trying to control the things that I do online. Btw it is still happening as of this writing. The nerve of these people cuz the last time I checked I didn't sign any contract that's binding me in any kind of obligations following anyone's rules whether it is about stuff that I access online or post.

The last thing that I need now is another tyrant who wanted to dominate my life. I've had enough that's why I escaped my toxic family but I never expected that the things that I love and my way of experiencing freedom through expressions and creativity will lead me into another pit of controlling individuals. I'm starting to wonder... do I look like a 7 year old to y'all? Am I not matured enough to make my own decisions in life that you need to force things on me or maybe I'm one gambling bet that all stakes are way too high that's why you needed to redirect me every time?

It kinda feels like a tug-of-war game. The minute I decided I want something you pull it away. Why does it seems like you are recreating my depressed eps where you try to deprive me of the essentials that I value the most. I love teaching online and that's one of my passions yet you are hindering me from that commitment. I ain't the kind of person who wants to play all day posting Tiktok vids unless it pays me to do all those stuff then I'd love to. 

I love working and earning money because it gives me a sense of fulfillment for paying the bills and all my responsibilities but y'all seem don't want that. Ain't working makes me feel like a useless piece of shit that doesn't have the right to be in other apps. No work, no pay thus no play. We are talking about priorities here and it's kinda like you want me to get stuck in this situation so a freaking Prince Charming can save me. I ain't a damsel in distress and if you think you can control me this way... well, think again.



You can dim what surrounds me but there will always be
that certain light who will illuminates what is serene inside me.



I tell you, you can manipulate all the forces outside of me but I will never let you touch my core. I will respond to your nuances the way I want. You might have made a business out of me but what I do with my life is always up to me. It's none of your frakkin damn business. Live and let live. 

Want me to bow down to you? Make me that is if you even have the balls. I'm tougher than y'all think. You don't know me and let's all leave it that way. 

I don't have a clue what are your plans for me but I tell you one thing: if this is all about finding me a better half... nuh uh I ain't gonna sign up for that. Thanks but no thanks. I don't need another half, I AM WHOLE, a complete entity on my own but if it's a business deal... let's sit down, I'm all ears.

A new me, a new approach to things. I tell you I'm into extreme sports. I love to physically dive in but I ain't into jumping off the cliff to a body of water cuz that's irritatingly uncomfortable for water gets into my nose but hey I'm not here to talk about cliff or water diving or anything like that. I'll spill some beans about a thing I dreaded the most so buckle up, hush for a while and let's fall into deep.

I know I can be considered by many as the most eccentric person they know at this time and I'm claiming it and make it more profound for y'all. With all my online activities: vlogging, blogging and all sorts of stuff it may not be too obvious but I'm way too private. I choose what I share and let people know about me and it's too prominent when it comes to matters of the heart so unlike any other girls I'm not fond of a romantic interest who profess their feelings out in the open for all the world to see, that kinda thing makes me cringe in a really uncomfortable sort of way. I'm low-key when it comes to my lovelife... hmmm I guess until I'm pretty sure if it is for real but until then you won't hear anything from me confirming it but this time as I said let's take a different approach in dealing with this trickery.

TBH up to this moment I'm still pretty much confused about this but I wanna clear all the clutter in my mind that's why I'm writing this down. Hell I care if this is just all in my head or there is truth into this either way I'm good. The day I've known the existence of this guy I noticed instantly our similarities then just shrugged it off cuz it might have been just a big coincidence but as the days go by the coincidences became unnervingly getting too awkward and it's starting to be someone who's really familiar that I've known devil-may-care I don't really freakin' know when, how or why? My head says something while my pride and ego have a different opinion so thus my heart and there goes my intuition. It's mind-cracking. I feel like I've been living in a different world all along so I was curious and I wanted to know more. I started researching and got the word: "twin flame."


We've all heard the term “soul mate,” but what about “twin flame”? ... The general theory re: twin flames is two people who were split into different bodies but share the same soul. Twin flames make soul mates look and feel totally disposable in comparison, since they're like soul mates on crack.                                                                 Source: Cosmopolitan.com



Twin flame does not necessarily mean you are supposed to be lovers that's why I'm getting confused cuz we are so drawn to each other and I'm thinking maybe he's just confused as well about that. He may not love me or I may not love him... it might just be that strong soul connection that's making us think that we are in love in some sort. Idk maybe it's just me assuming things. Yes, I'm shamelessly putting this in black and white, not my style but gotta try a different route everytime you'll never know which one will work or not, yeah?

We never really talk which is making me furious and overthink a lot. I'm too straightforward. I like to deal with things head on and I just don't frakkin know why this guy can't simply reply to my questions like WTF! I need answers and he's kinda replying through his stories and vlogs which I'm not even sure if those are merely coincidences or his truths for me. This sends me in a dilemma: if it's just coincidences then I'm one assuming bitch but what if those are our truths cuz that's a whole lot of coincidences out there that your freakin intuition and even how logical you are, your freakin brain just gave up and says that's not just coincidences. Obviously my normal self would like to protest but all bets are down fighting with all these evidence at hand is futile. I can lie probably and convince myself to ignore everything and pretend nothing is really going on which I'm still doing for most part of my day.

I'm an overthinker and I do overthink a lot about this lately. His friend sort of joke that he might be trying out my patience until I snap or maybe he's waiting for me to do just what I'm doing right now: be as blatant about it in the online world like what he is doing. Well, I still need my answers and the truth from this freak.

Another theory is that he's just romanticizing this connection to make it seem interesting for people to witness but I think that's way too low for him to even think about doing it because of that petty reason. I don't think this is true #justsaying but I'm rubbing it in to get even just a little bit (pun intended).


pineapple
How do you handle a fineapple?


In fairness to the guy he really did put a lot of effort in making me see things and how we are in a different perspective. Most of the time I no longer want to see what he's up to cuz it's creeping me out in a good way. I don't even know if he did a thorough research about me, we are just really way too similar, those are just coincidences or everything is just up for show. Idk anymore but puhleez enlighten me, gago!

One more thing this is really bugging me: How come your vlog gets to premier the exact time I get online and that's almost everytime, is that a freakin' coincidence or you are just way too psychic or I'm just way too paranoid? Damn, gotta go I just need to kill myself this is humiliating.

*** pride left the room.
*** ego just landed.
*** soul wanted to stay in limbo for good.
*** that whacko brain is still wandering.
*** that freakin heart just took a leap of faith.

This isn't me said my alter ego.

I'm just hopeless not really romantic.

Wine pls. so I can whine properly.

Sigh.













Hey lovies, I'm freakin back and I'm gonna blog and blog and blog haha

Here is how I look now...









Those Who Sacrifice Liberty For Security Deserve Neither.
--- Benjamin Franklin

See ya!



It's me again I'm trying to blog through my phone. Hope this works. I already forgot how to blog for a while and I forgot my categories. I still want to continue this blog so I will probably post random stuff here once in a while.

Welcome again to my world!
posted from Bloggeroid

I've been away for much too long from blogging for almost 5 months now and alas... I'm like a newbie again I can't find my way. Haha I feel so dumb not knowing how to open my blog but it's a good thing that I've saved everything in my laptop so one click and I don't need any password or anything like that to get here.

Blogger has a new look and I'm kinda awkward posting this because I'm not used to the set up. But anyways I'm back again into blogging. I just had an invite from Nuffnang for AyosDito.ph Iball so I decided to power on my thinking caps again.

Wee I'm in Manila now so more happenings and things to blog. A lot of things happened already I hope I can write more here from now.  And I need to get my alexa ranking back I'm just in 27 million now so far from the previous 600 000... shame.

I still don't write for the sake of traffic but still it's not bad as a side dish hehe.


Blogging in general has never been easy... 
but despite the odds it's always been fun 
though sometimes tedious when I'm not in the mood for my blah, blah, blah



People accuse you of being self-absorbed, narcissistic or vain though I'm a bit of it all... haha
Seriously everyone is self-absorbed sometimes and I admit I'm a bit of a narcissist but never vain.
I spend so much time a long time ago seeing my flaws in the mirror, I'm a different kind of Narcissa I guess.


This picture is ugly, I know.
If journal blogging invites too much ridicule what more is fashion blogging eh?
Especially for plus size women like me.


Someone said I promote obesity for being out and loud proclaiming I'm plus size.
But WTH not everyone can be Size Zero?
I'm just saying "whatever body you're in, own it and be comfortable with your own skin."
There's nothing wrong wanting to lose weight 
but since I'm still stuck with this I guess I have to enjoy the perks of being plus size... sarcasm bleh


Arts, Fashion, Aesthetics or whatever isn't superficiality if you don't obsess with it. 
I like simple things, I like to enjoy life and by enjoying life I mean celebrating every sense of it.
This is self-expression and creativity if you can't understand that not my damn problem anymore.
But I'll bet my 2 cents on this that my way of life is as simple as it can get.


Freedom... it is. 
My inhibitions are out.
I won't let anyone eat me out without a fight.
Life is what you make it.


Stand up and fight even if the reflection screaming at you isn't always looking as good as your best.



Twas Never Easy

Blue Pearl Boutique Oversized Boho printed dress 
Tiendesitas yellow bangle
black and yellow flowered ring
Ethnic yellow-gold earrings 
Rusty Lopez purple strappy sandals



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